Party Safely

3:00 PM -- This minatory bit of Christmas Doom landed in our junk-box this morning. We herewith reproduce the key points for the furtherance of your personal safe-keeping and all-around betterment as a human being:

    Don’t let the Office Party Ruin Your Future – A Risk-Assessment Checklist

    The Christmas office party is a traditional element of many businesses and whilst we as the staff enjoy ourselves drinking, flirting, behaving badly or trying to climb the greasy polls of success someone in the background is having to calculate what are the potential risks to the company of holding the party and how can they ensure that revelry doesn’t turn into regret.

    Office parties do hold potential risks if there is damage to the property, plus nasty moments could end up in litigation, reputation damage or the sack and then it all ends in tears when the Police are called to arrest the in-house lawyer who has just assaulted the head of HR!

    In this very seasonal piece, [so-and-so] together with [whatchamahiggy] have put together a useful “Risk Assessment Checklist” to help those who are responsible for risk, to prepare for anything the office party may throw-up in their path!

"Throw-up in their path," geddit?

Be that as it may, we have our own Xmas Party Risk-Assessment Checklist, which includes the following:

  1. Do not throw-up on the boss.
  2. Do not throw-up on the boss's spouse.
  3. Do not fondle the boss's spouse.
  4. Do not invite your spouse.
  5. Do not invite any "greasy polls."
  6. Do not invite the people behind this letter.
  7. Do not greet your female coworkers with "Ho ho ho!"
  8. Do not call them "coworkers" either.
  9. Do not hurl yourself from the window unless you're on at least the 12th story.
  10. And know when to quit drinking: January 2.
Any I've missed?

— Larry, Attack Monkey, Light Reading

[* Note: This comes from the U.K., where, odd as it may seem, assaulting the head of HR is considered a crime of some sort. Must be in the Magna Carta.]

PetPanda 12/5/2012 | 2:57:25 PM
re: Party Safely Also not a good idea to tell the boss's wife, "You can ride my sleigh anytime..."

Or, so I hear...
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