Finland Air-Rocks

5:00 PM -- This just in from the "Talentless Losers Getting Press and Prizes" newsroom:

A Japanese man out-"played" challengers to win the Air Guitar World Championship for the second consecutive year at a contest in northern Finland...

Apart from the glory, he received a custom-made Flying Finn electric guitar worth $3,400.

Which is just about as useful as giving Britney Spears a microphone. (Bam!)

The talent on display was variable at best. The surprise of the qualifying round was Oulu native Hilkka "Gore Kitty" Suvanto, who has twice before scored the lowest points ever in that round but now achieved a perfect six from many of the judges...

One of the favorites for the title was American Andrew "William Ocean" Litz, whose act ends in a spectacular backflip onto an empty beer can. He finished 11th.

Well, at very least, he answered the age-old question, "What to do with this empty can of beer?"

— Red Panda, Lip Syncing Champion, Light Reading