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Badge Badgering

Phil Harvey
6/6/2008
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3:30 PM -- When did press credentials get to be such a pain around the neck?

Take a look at these idiotic "badge wallets" that tradeshow organizers are requiring us to wear for basic identification these days.

Badge Wallets

They're huge and ridiculous and they need to go away. (I'm talking about the badge wallets, not necessarily the conference organizers.)

But I do have a nit to pick with the conference organizers, too, for being so far behind the times. Ask your average conference manager about "digitization" and they'll likely make some remark about converting printed pages into fingers. They just don't get it.

Why do they insist on forgoing a simple, credit card-sized name tag for the hated badge wallet -- a veritable fanny-pack on a string? These loathsome objects are at odds with today's trend of miniaturization, not to mention that they completely wreck a pressed, collared shirt unless you wear a tie (and a tie is not bloody likely at NXTcomm, the next big show on my calendar. Which is in June. In Las Vegas).

The press suffers enough indignities at tradeshows, don't we? We get free food courtesy of the convention kitchen staff, whose idea of contemporary cooking is a seafood and pasta dish called Salmonella.

We're constantly harassed by publicists, bosses, spouses, and others who want us to gamble less, drink less, and work more. And on top of all those insults, there is the injury of a having to wear a novelty-sized press credential stuffed with a name tag, meal tickets, a map, and more loose bits of paper than you'll see on Tremont St. after the BoSox win the next World Series.

It's even funnier when conference organizers add a giant ribbon to the bottom of the badge wallet that says "PRESS!" Got anything else that could attract attention and cause people to wonder if we're deranged? Why not add on a cowbell? How about some clown shoes that squeak when we walk? Why not pay a guy to walk behind me and clap cymbals every time I start a conversation? If the idea is for us to stick out in a crowd and look silly, why not spring for a large fruit-covered hat and insist that we preface each question with the percussive rattle of maracas?

You know what I think this is? This badge wallet malarkey is a conspiracy to make the half-dozen, half-blind convention center security guards at every door feel as though they're doing something more productive than making sure no one turns off all the lights or runs with scissors.

Sidebar: Have you seen these human coat racks close up? Do you feel more secure with those people guarding the room? I'd be more intimidated if you stuck a sleeping kitten and a bowl of milk at each entrance.

Anyway, I beg the convention managers and organizers of big events in this great country to re-route some of the R&D dollars you're putting into keeping bathrooms filthy to a more worthy cause, like finding a viable, less intrusive alternative to the stinking badge wallet.

I thank you. My fellow media members thank you. My collared shirts and my dry cleaners thank you.

— Phil Harvey, Editor, Light Reading

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paolo.franzoi
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paolo.franzoi,
User Rank: Light Sabre
12/5/2012 | 3:39:17 PM
re: Badge Badgering

I like the cowbell idea to warn people not to speak to press folks...bastages!

seven
kaps
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kaps,
User Rank: Light Beer
12/5/2012 | 3:39:15 PM
re: Badge Badgering
This post doesn't even mention how horrific the badges are from a waste/carbon footprint standpoint. Or the "sponsored by" lanyard that makes your neck look like the news-scroll on Times Square.

I understand that show producers need to sell such "advertising opportunities," but why not take a lesson from the iPhone and make something classy? The PGA gives its pros a cool little clip that they all have to wear -- on their cap, on their belt -- why not a similar one for trade press?

Then at least we could pretend we're like real professionals. Fore!
kaps
50%
50%
kaps,
User Rank: Light Beer
12/5/2012 | 3:39:15 PM
re: Badge Badgering
This post doesn't even mention how horrific the badges are from a waste/carbon footprint standpoint. Or the "sponsored by" lanyard that makes your neck look like the news-scroll on Times Square.

I understand that show producers need to sell such "advertising opportunities," but why not take a lesson from the iPhone and make something classy? The PGA gives its pros a cool little clip that they all have to wear -- on their cap, on their belt -- why not a similar one for trade press?

Then at least we could pretend we're like real professionals. Fore!
Mark Sebastyn
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Mark Sebastyn,
User Rank: Light Beer
12/5/2012 | 3:39:13 PM
re: Badge Badgering
Just take the thing off. When people ask who you are just say "You don't know who I am? I guess you aren't looking for any press coverage from Lightreading". Watch as PR person drops to knees and begs. Laugh maniacally.

Or wear a mask and when people ask who you are just say "I am the Phantom."


optodoofus
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optodoofus,
User Rank: Light Beer
12/5/2012 | 3:39:12 PM
re: Badge Badgering
If you take your badge off and someone asks who you are, you can just say (over and over) "Hello. My name name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die." The asker will either laugh at your pop culture awareness and wit or will back away carefully, never taking their eyes off the lunatic in front of them. Either way, you're good.

optodoofus
DCITDave
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DCITDave,
User Rank: Light Beer
12/5/2012 | 3:39:11 PM
re: Badge Badgering
I think Larry the Monkey could get away with that. I'd just end up looking stupid.
Pete Baldwin
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Pete Baldwin,
User Rank: Light Beer
12/5/2012 | 3:39:11 PM
re: Badge Badgering
"Hello. My name name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die."

I like it. If you're really lucky, they'll just turn and run.

(Actually, people already do that to us, and it's never the ones who you *wish* would run away...)
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