I hope this find you very well.Thanks. Wait a minute. "I hope this find you?" Who is this? Yoda?
Compete.com just released some very exciting news and metrics around StupidVideos that I thought you may be interested in.Oh, goody. I love news. And metrics -- how deliriously tempting! Give me a cheese omelet and a fresh bucket of metrics every morning, and I care not who writes the nation's laws.
"StupidVideos excels again in the number of sessions per unique visitor, out-pacing all other sites in the top ten."You know, Cupcake, my therapist excels in the number of sessions per unique visitor, too. That is, she won't let you off with just one visit and a bottle of pills anymore. No, siree! She's got a summerhouse to maintain and God knows how many pairs of Jimmy Choo's she has scattered between here and Cape Cod.
But enough about her. I don't know what the Hell you're talking about.
"As impressive as it is that StupidVideos.com came in sixth in total sessions and seventh in unique visitors, some other metrics show an even more interesting, stickier picture of the site. StupidVideos is the runaway leader in page views per session."Are you feeling alright? First you greet me like a Kung-fu master, then you lather me up with metrics, and now you're the sixth best at something and the seventh best at that thing over there. Tell me something, Sheeba: Is there really a story here or are you just pretending to work?
If I put pen to paper, so to speak, and deliver a glowing tome on what a swell place StupidVideos.com is, how fast do you think it'll take HR to ramp up those mandatory drug tests?
Look: I'll play along and attempt to distill your crazy talk. You're saying that StupidVideos.com doesn't have as many visitors as some of the other sites, but when people do visit, they tend to stay longer and watch more videos.
Is that it? I mean, it's not the tomb of Christ, but it's a lot closer to sounding like a story than that slobber you were slinging.
Have a great afternoon and thank you.Thanks. You go and get some rest, OK?
— Phil Harvey, Unique Visitor, Light Reading