NOON -- Being Potato Queen is, clearly, no joke. But let us take a stab at it anyhow. The Associated Press tells the tale of the queen who once was:

There's royal intrigue at the Munger Potato Festival, with Queen Allison Nowicki protesting her ouster over claims of playing hooky.

[Sidebar: For those of you who are unfamiliar with the Munger Potato Festival, the "About Us" page on the Munger Potato Festival Website provides a very informative photograph of townies riding a mobile picnic table. No further questions, I presume.]

Nowicki had about six weeks left in her reign when she got a letter from the festival's queen committee dated June 4, saying it was dethroning her for failure to attend enough events as queen.

Not so, says Nowicki, who appeared at the Miss Bay County Pageant, St. Johns Mint Festival, Bay County Fair, Montrose Blueberry Festival and Linwood Pickle Festival.

And with tears in her eyes, she adds:

"To me, it wasn't about getting a crown and getting a sash — it was about getting to meet people and showing my love for Munger," Nowicki said. "Who knows if they're going to do that to next year's queen? I don't want anyone else to have to go through this."

"I'd sooner be whipped than stand for that!" HAHAHAHA...

Two queen committee members declined comment.

As did the Sultan of Sour Cream.

— Red Potato Panda, Light Reading