I know why the caged monkey shrieks.

February 8, 2006

1 Min Read
Weighing Monkey Liberation

11:10 AM -- Business Week reports from Washington that U.S. Rep. Eddie Bernice Johnson (D-Tex.) has introduced "the Captive Primate Safety Act, which would prohibit interstate commerce in pet primates."

Monkey owners see this, correctly, as an assault on their Constitutionally protected right to cage my relatives -- and they're fighting back:

"Just like my gun," says one, "They're going to have to pry my monkey from my cold, dead hand." Uh oh.

The story includes a warning to those impulse buyers likely to get caught up in the coming Curious Whatsisname furor:

  • Owning a monkey is not for the lazy or squeamish. Left unsupervised, they tend to escape or inflict serious property damage. They cannot be trusted around children. "Monkey people," as owners proudly call themselves, like to compare their animals to mischievous toddlers. Maybe, but in 30 years these babies will still be swinging from the ceiling fan.

Swing, babies, swing!

— Larry, Attack Monkey, Light Reading

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