Scalia: A Laff Riot

For aficionados of (very) dark humor.

January 4, 2006

1 Min Read
Scalia: A Laff Riot

6:00 PM -- A recent in-depth analysis of Supreme Court transcripts – that is, some law professor dude counting the "laughs" after "quips" from the grim-facèd nine – found that Antonin Scalia is far and away the funniest of the justices.

In fact, according to this rigorous methodology, Scalia is exactly 19.25 times more uproarious than Ruth Bader Ginsburg. He's also infinity times funnier than Clarence Thomas, who can't draw a single guffaw from the chamber – which has gotta be a pretty easy crowd, as expectations are low.

To be fair, Thomas's hands are tied: He can't use his really dynamite "Long Dong Silver" material, which is generally considered "Too Hot for C-Span." And the study didn't cover his behind-the-scenes hijinks, like leaving hairs on Sandra Day O'Connor's can of Mr. Pibb. That one really cracked up Souter.

But what makes Scalia so hilarious, anyway? Must be gems like this:

Mere factual innocence is no reason not to carry out a death sentence properly reached.

HAAHAAAhahahahhahahaaa! You kill me, Antonin!

— Red Panda, Black Comedian, Light Reading

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