6:30 PM -- What are they putting in the water in the U.K. these days? Might it be diluting the purity of their precious bodily fluids?

For whatever reason, a certain subset of limeys seems to think we're all just dying for a chance to implant electronics in our own bodies. They've already given us the tooth phone and the cyborg... and now they want to put MP3 players in women's breasts.

This latest cringe-inducing brainstorm sprang from the mind of BT "futurologist" Ian Pearson, who suggests that one boob could hold the processing chips, while the other would store tunes in flash memory.

C'mon, Ian, like implants don't already feel fake enough? Surely we shouldn't be tampering so cavalierly with Earth's greatest natural resource.

Pearson adds that the "plastic electronics" that would make these mammary MP3s possible are already available, and could also be applied to phones, cameras, and health-monitoring gizmos.

Phones, huh? So, what if you also installed a phone in your gazongas and then used that breast-enlarging ringtone? Would it improve your reception?

— Red Panda, Budding Luddite, Light Reading