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Illegal Pants Wearing

3:30 PM -- The Associated Press gives the low down on low pants:

    Proposals to ban saggy pants are starting to ride up in several places. At the extreme end, wearing pants low enough to show boxers or bare buttocks in one small Louisiana town means six months in jail and a $500 fine. A crackdown [HAHA -- CRACKdown! Geddit?] also is being pushed in Atlanta. And in Trenton, getting caught with your pants down may soon result in not only a fine, but a city worker assessing where your life is headed...

    At Trenton hip-hop clothing store Razor Sharp Clothing Shop 4 Ballers, shopper Mark Wise, 30, said his jeans sag for practical reasons.

    "The reason I don't wear tight pants is because it's easier to get money out of my pocket this way," Wise said. "It's just more comfortable."

It also presents you with the opportunity to spontaneously moon someone, whereas tight pants wearers would have to endure at least thirty seconds of pre-mooning labor.

    Shop owner Mack Murray said Trenton's proposed ordinance unfairly targets blacks.

    "Are they going to go after construction workers and plumbers, because their pants sag, too?" Murray asked. "They're stereotyping us."

Yes, they are going to target construction workers and plumbers, but only the black ones.

In addition to being just downright unappealing, The Wall Street Journal reports on the serious hazards associated with sagging pants:

    Ill-fitting pants aren't suited for jumping, either, as Noah Donell Brown of Hendersonville, N.C., learned. The 24-year-old tried to leap over the counter of a Subway sandwich shop during a robbery attempt, but he stumbled and came crashing down in front of several startled store employees. Mr. Brown, armed with a gun, got up and fled into a nearby residential neighborhood as the police were notified.

    Police didn't have to work hard to arrest him. As Mr. Brown tried to scale a picket fence in someone's backyard, he caught his pants, according to the police department. He was found dangling upside down, his pants at his ankles and tangled in the fence.

Moral: Fitted pants make for a successful fugitive.

— Red Panda, Droopy Drawers, Light Reading

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