The Shittle

Enough already with this shuttle cock.

August 9, 2005

1 Min Read
The Shittle

2:00 PM -- Now that the shuttle has safely returned to Earth, it's time for Red Panda to call a spade a spade: As reusable vehicles designed for facilitating extraplanetary activities go, this one sucks.

As a tiny cub, Red Panda still recalls seeing the first "Moonwalkers" (Buzz, not Jacko; and Neil, not Lance, Armstrong) splash down on TV after their historic space flight, and frankly, almost 40 years later, things should have advanced a bit. Space flight should be cool (man!). It shouldn't involve the most powerful nation in the world firing off an old clunker best known for randomly dispensing chunks o' foam.

America deserves a shuttle, not a shittle. You know, something fast and furious, in metallic gray, with offensive capabilities (just in case, yeah?).

In the meantime, we can always offload the USS Shittle to Russia. Or North Korea. Plenty of takers out there, no doubt.

— Space Commander Panda of the 30th Century, Light Reading

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