Informa Diverges

I'm not a professional editor or anything – and I certainly don't photograph well – but a recent email advertisement from Informa Telecoms & Media made my toupee ricochet right off the ceiling.

The subject of the email: "Converegence diverges."

"Hmmm," I mused, while reapplying my hair hat. "It's risky. I like it. It hints at relevance, but makes wild departures from commonly accepted spellings."

It's as if this Informa group is saying, "We're not just attempting wordplay here... we're actually making up words out of thin air." Now that's cutting-edge. It takes a real analyst house to pull that off.

And pull it off they do. Note the email's opening gambit, unedited for your pleasure:

As an commentator with a stake in future convergence, I am pleased to invite you to dial-in and join Mark Newman and senior analysts from Informa Telecoms & Media in our latest live webinar…

"My word," I thought. "They're not just addressing me as some Joe Schmoe that happens to dabble in telecom. They've elevated my stature to the stratosphere."

From this day forward, I will introduce myself at parties as "Phil Harvey, an commentator with a stake in future convergence."

I expect that people will be floored and downright intimidated by my careless use of indefinite articles. "Goodness," they'll reflect, "any fellow who tosses language about with such abandon must surely be a powerful person. Or an powerful person. Something like that. Confound it! I think I'm in love."

I'll wear a monocle and will grow a handlebar mustache to amplify the effect.

Or is it affect? Well, my pet, don't worry about it. That's why Informa says:

Our new webinar series offers an opportunity for selected industry members to benefit from insightful presentations covering real-world issues effecting their businesses.

See, in the margins of its bold advertisement, Informa Telecoms & Media teaches us that only a piker worries about such petty things as effecting vs. affecting. A man – excuse me – an man lost in celestial contemplation of the future of telecommunications doesn't have time for such malarkey.

But why should I listen to another Webinar? Informa provides the ultimate service here by playing Russian Roulette with logic:

Technology is breaking down the barriers to convergence. It's happening everywhere but these trends and developments are so disparate that any attempt to capture the 'essence' of convergence is futile.

"My word," I thought. "If any attempt to capture the essence of convergence is futile, then this Webinar itself is futile."

Or is Informa merely challenging my intellect yet again, to prove that it is indeed the spiciest analyst house this side of Radcliffe-on-Trent?

By this point in the ad, I'm wondering, "Who are these people, and what sort of superhuman powers do they possess?"

Lucky me, pictures and bios were included in the email. I'm humbly passing the pictures along as is, dear reader, but I'll have to take some liberties with the bios, as I'm sure the Informa folks were being modest with their accomplishments.

Mark Newman - Webinar Host

Mark Newman - Webinar Host
Mark is Informa Telecoms & Media's Chief Research Officer, and he takes no guff, you dig? He'll clip you in the button and watch your hip pockets bounce on the floor, see? He's the boss, see?
Jessica Sandin - Mobile Content

Jessica Sandin - Mobile Content
Jessica has unrivalled expertise in the space, including mobile data strategies, business models, and mobile content in all its various guises.

If mobile content were, for example, wearing a clip-on beard and a fat suit, Jessica would surely summon her unrivalled expertise and send for the gendarmes. What a dame!
Mike Roberts - Wireless Broadband

Mike Roberts - Wireless Broadband
Mike's steely eyes and firm buttocks belie his gentle nature and his ability to calm jittery squirrels.
David McQueen - Device Convergence
David McQueen - Device Convergence
David spends his days welding spoons and other eating implements to the ends of cell phones and other handheld devices. He likes peanut butter.
— Phil Harvey, An Commentator, Light Reading

paolo.franzoi 12/5/2012 | 3:08:31 AM
re: Informa Diverges
Is that an Bennett on Trent?

Graham Beniston 12/5/2012 | 3:08:31 AM
re: Informa Diverges Phil, the scary thing is that Radcliffe on Trent is about 2 miles from Geoff Bennett's house, but at least it's on the opposite bank of the river.
Graham Beniston 12/5/2012 | 3:08:20 AM
re: Informa Diverges Bennett is usually on the local bitter, the best of which comes from Burton on Trent, about 20 miles upriver.
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