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Sorry, there are no brief briefings
5:00 PM – From The Philter's PR Pains file, I have a fresh nit to pick with publicists in the technology trades. I will do so by way of a quick scenario:
SCENE: The second floor of the Bowie Center building in Fort Worth, the clandestine workspace of Phil Harvey, Light Reading's BBQ and Modern Dance Editor. One sunny morning, Harvey, who was busily managing his fantasy football team, accidentally read some of his email and noticed an intriguing pitch related to CES. It was the kind of thing he might write about if indeed he could get a detail or two before deadline. He quickly dials up the PR firm from whence the pitch originated.
JENNIFER (answering the phone): Hello, this is Jennifer.
HARVEY (absently): Are they all named Jennifer?
JENNIFER: Excuse me?
HARVEY: Oh, sorry, hello. It's Phil Harvey, BBQ Editor of Light Reading. I received your note and I've got a couple of quick questions about the new Electric Converg-o-box Entertainment Appliance Solution.
JENNIFER: That's great! Would you like me to set up a briefing with our VP of Marketing, Bob Milquetoast?
HARVEY: Well, that sounds a bit formal. If you could just quickly tell me…
JENNIFER: Bob's really the guy you want to answer your questions. He's very dynamic. I'm looking here on his schedule and it looks like he's back in town next Wednesday. Maybe you can meet him at his office. Is 9 p.m. too late?
HARVEY: See, the thing is we're online. Daily deadlines. All that stuff. So if there's anyone that could just…
JENNIFER: Paul? Was it Paul?
HARVEY: Phil, actually. I just…
JENNIFER: I really think Bob's your best bet and his schedule tends to fill up fast. If the 9 p.m. next Wednesday doesn't work, he's got a Friday afternoon lunch open in early May.
HARVEY: Look, all I want to know is how much data, photos, and stuff you can store in the Converg-o-box. The press release said, "thousands of hours of entertainment" but that's a bit vague. I don't need a quote. Just a figure.
JENNIFER: I really don't have the first clue what you're talking about, Bill. We just started working with this account two years ago, so I haven't had time to learn all their techno-words. Do you want to do a phone briefing instead? Maybe Bob could call you sometime on Saturday.
HARVEY: If there are no other options, I suppose that's fine.
JENNIFER (brightly.): That's great. Oh, this is wonderful. Bob's really looking forward to talking with you. He really knows his stuff. Very dynamic. OK, I'm going to send you a confirmation email with the call-in details. Once you reply to that I'll put it in Bob's calendar. Also, could send me a short biography with a few of your most recent clippings? Bob likes to have all that handy when he's being interviewed for a big article. Following that, I have a PowerPoint slide deck -- it's only 61 slides -- and I'll send that to you in time for your conversation with Bob. Is there anything else I can help you with, Gil?HARVEY: No. You've done enough. I'll just make up a number for my article.
JENNIFER: That does sound exciting. Alrighty, well, thanks for calling, Jill. (Hangs up)
CURTAIN— Phil Harvey, Person of the Year, Light Reading
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