Drug-crazed rodents terrorize South London.

October 12, 2005

1 Min Read
Squirrels on Crack!

4:20 PM -- Hard to gauge the reality factor on this one, but according to multiple sources, crack-addicted squirrels are roaming the streets of South London.

Apparently, a recent police crackdown on crackdens has crackheads burying crack in their crackyards (if not their buttcracks) – and cute little crackrodents are going about digging it up, and, well, going nuts over it (sorry).

According to the chilling account of "one fearful resident":

"I was chatting with my neighbour, who told me that crack users and dealers sometimes use my front garden to hide bits of their stash. An hour earlier I'd seen a squirrel wandering round the garden, digging in the flowerbeds. It was ill-looking and its eyes looked bloodshot but it kept on desperately digging. It seems a strange thing to say, but it seemed to know what it was looking for."

Well, yes, that does seem a strange thing to say. On the other hand, who knows what kind of look that squirrel had in its bloodshot eyes?

A squirrel who knows what he's looking for.

— Red CrackPanda, Light Reading

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