Flipper: Armed & Dangerous

1:30 PM -- You might want to think twice about taking that Carribbean snorkeling trip you have planned: According to The Guardian, the wash of Hurricane Katrina may have allowed three dozen military-trained, toxic-dart-gun-equipped dolphins to escape into the Gulf of Mexico.

Leo Sheridan, 72, a respected accident investigator who has worked for government and industry, said he had received intelligence from sources close to the US government's marine fisheries service confirming dolphins had escaped.

"My concern is that they have learnt to shoot at divers in wetsuits who have simulated terrorists in exercises. If divers or windsurfers are mistaken for a spy or suicide bomber and if equipped with special harnesses carrying toxic darts, they could fire," he said. "The darts are designed to put the target to sleep so they can be interrogated later, but what happens if the victim is not found for hours?"

As the article explains further on, this sheds new light on the mysteriously prompt recovery of several (unarmed) aquarium dolphins who were also washed into the gulf. At the time, with so many people still trapped by floods, it seemed a bit strange that they would be conducting search-and-rescues for animals that live in water anyway. In retrospect, this was obviously an accidental find in their search for the top-secret, hyperintelligent superdolphins that now menace all mankind.

Let's all just hope the Navy wasn't training any sharks with frickin' laser beams attached to their foreheads.

— Red Panda, Aquaphobe, Light Reading

CoolLightGeek 12/5/2012 | 2:59:58 AM
re: Flipper: Armed & Dangerous Maybe the Chinese tracking satellites should be directed at the bomb equipped dolphins instead of using them to get porno shots of your cousins?

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