X-Mas Goats Ablaze

3:00 PM -- The Associated Press shares a lovely Yuletide tale of the Swedes Who Saved Christmas:

    For 40 years it has been torched, vandalized, had its legs cut off and even been run over by a car. But officials in the Swedish city of Gavle are guaranteeing that this year's giant straw Christmas goat — the victim of Sweden's most violent yule tradition — will survive unscathed.

Gee, I wonder why our gigantic goat made of straw keeps getting destroyed? Maybe next year we should make it out of feathers or toothpicks to ensure extra durability.

    But for its 40th anniversary Sunday, officials think they have finally outsmarted the resourceful vandals by dousing the battered ram with flame-resistant chemicals normally used on airplanes.

Well, if it's good enough for an aircraft, I suppose it's good enough for the goat. And it only took a measly 40 years to come to that conclusion. What will happen next in the Swedish Science Lab of Wonder? Perhaps they'll invent the wheel, or rub two sticks together to make fire... But not too close to the goat!

    The company providing the fireproof treatment is so sure of its resilience that its spokesman Freddy Klassmo told newspaper Aftonbladet that "not even napalm can set fire to the goat now."

Maybe not napalm, but what about the giant, aluminum Easter fire-breathing dragon?

    For those who want to follow its fate, a 24-hour Web cam has been set up to film the straw goat where it stands on the central square in Gavle, 90 miles north of Stockholm. However, the security guards that have watched over previous versions have been called off, Ostman said.

    "We can sleep very soundly at night now," she said. "The goat can too."

Well, then. Good to see where your head's at. Never mind war, disease, or famine: The Christmas Goat is flame resistant! All is right with the world... Although, it doesn't seem like you've prepared for incidents like the goat being run over by cars or having its legs cut off. Uh-oh Sweden, back to the drawing board.

— Red Panda, Very Flammable, Light Reading
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