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Top 20 Terrible Company Names

In 2002 Light Reading thought it would be amusing to publish a list of laughable telecom/technology company names. (See 50 Worst Company Names.)

In 2011 we thought it would be amusing to do it again but with -- and here's the clever part -- different names!

Don't say we're not thinking on our feet ...

So listen up, Twonky, WangYou and the rest -- it's your time to shine in our Top 20 Terrible Company Names Hall of Fame.

We're sure you don't need much encouragement, but please feel free to add your own suggestions and comments on the message boards, though remember, kids, "Light Reading" doesn't count, 'cos it's a breathtakingly audacious pun on fiber optics.

And if you don't agree with our choices (listed here in no particular order), well ... Fiksu!

1) Fiksu (http://www.fiksu.com)
They say: "The first and only mobile app user acquisition platform that leverages the entire mobile ecosystem to cost effectively grow your loyal user base."
We say: Gesundheit!

2) Cable Cable (http://www.cablecable.net)
They say: "Introducing the fastest Internet in the Kawarthas -- only from Cable Cable!"
We say: Gobble gobble. It's a turkey. 3) Wangyou (http://www.wangyou.com)
They say: Something in Chinese.
We say: Wangyou and goodnight!

4) WeFi (http://www.wefi.com)
They say: "WeFi is dedicated to helping you find, connect, and enjoy Wi-Fi anywhere around the world."
We say: WeFi, fo, fum -- we smell a stinker.

5) Skoodat (http://www.skoodat.com)
They say: "Skoodat turns education data into usable information, in real time. No more bending education to the limits of technology."
We say: Who done dat?

6) Blaast (http://www.blaast.com)
They say: "Download Blaast and it's like upgrading your old phone."
We say: Avaast behind!

7) Twilio (http://www.twilio.com)
They say: "Twilio provides infrastructure APIs for businesses to build scalable, reliable voice and text messaging apps."
We say: Coolio's had more hits.

8) Twonky (http://www.twonky.com)
They say: "Twonky is a line of computer and mobile applications that finds all of your digital media collections and shares them with PCs, TVs, stereos and other devices connected to your network."
We say: But wasn't he in Toy Story?

9) Innovalley (http://innovalley.us)
They say: "Innovalley is a company of real ideas: the ones that dare to grow up and to become smart, beautiful, sustainable and happy products."
We say: Should have been strangled at birth.

10) GupShup (http://www.smsgupshup.com)
They say: "SMS GupShup is a social messaging service to share and connect with friends and fans."
We say: Yr nm dnt mk sns.

11) Everything Everywhere (http://everythingeverywhere.com)
They say: "Welcome to Everything Everywhere, one company running two of Britain's biggest brands."
We say: This don't mean nothing to no one, nowhere.

12) Mingoa (http://www.mingoa.com)
They say: "Mingoa provides optimised hardware for Ethernet OAM with superior levels of performance."
We say: Mingo away

13) Tongyu Communications (http://www.tycc.cn)
They say: "The first base station antenna manufacturer in China."
We say: Put it away!

14) This Technology (http://thistech.com)
They say: "Our goal is to provide software solutions for dynamic ad insertion that are architected for efficiencies at both the end user and industry levels."
We say: This Name. Is Rubbish.

15) Breezy (http://breezy.com)
They say:"Breezy understands how busy you are. That's why we made it incredibly easy to print or fax anything from any device to any printer."
We say: Breezy was too busy to think of a less risible name.

16) GameSalad (http://gamesalad.com)
They say: "Allows you to create sophisticated games for the Mac and iPhone without any programming or scripting."
We say: Lettuce pray for more inspiration.

17) TinyCo (http://www.tinyco.com)
They say: "We are a small team of people who strive to make games people love."
We say: Just how small is this small team?

18) Qriously (http://www.qriously.com)
They say: "Qriously is a service for measuring real-time, location-based public sentiment."
We say: You cannot be C-rious.

19) Dailymotion (http://www.dailymotion.com)
They say: "The latest music videos, short movies, tv shows, funny and extreme videos."
We say: Too regular for our liking ...

20) CableFAX (http://www.cablefax.com)
They say: "In just minutes, CableFAX Daily provides timely and concise reporting of the industry's latest mergers and acquisitions, personnel changes, technology breakthroughs, programming choices, regulations and more."
We say: Cutting-edge technology -- it's right there in the name!

— The Staff, Light Reading

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DCITDave 12/5/2012 | 4:56:56 PM
re: Top 20 Terrible Company Names

It was named after a guy's wife. And we met said wife at an event. And she's delightful. So best to leave that one alone.

shygye75 12/5/2012 | 4:56:56 PM
re: Top 20 Terrible Company Names

How did ASSIA not make the list?

shygye75 12/5/2012 | 4:56:55 PM
re: Top 20 Terrible Company Names

I'd like to see the pre-nup on that.

joferrei 12/5/2012 | 4:56:55 PM
re: Top 20 Terrible Company Names

There actually was a band that called themselves This technology is dead.

pdonegan67 12/5/2012 | 4:56:55 PM
re: Top 20 Terrible Company Names

In the mid 90s, crafty Hutchison wowed the Europeans by launching the "Orange" brand in the UK together with some great mobile service innovation. France Telecom subsdequently bought the brand (and the network) and daubed the Orange brand all over Europe.


Telenor and Telia were so wowed by this refreshing, nay sexy, approach to telecom service branding that when they announced their intention to merge a a couple of years later they decided to stick with the citrus theme. They planned on calling their new entity....ahem...."Lemon". Perhaps the name doomed it from the start but the merger never transpired.


A close second in telecom brands, but with an appeal confined to just our French audience, was of course, "GPT". "Et le nom de votre societe, Monsieur?"

digits 12/5/2012 | 4:56:55 PM
re: Top 20 Terrible Company Names

I hope they didn't play the Stylophone...

MNewsom 12/5/2012 | 4:56:54 PM
re: Top 20 Terrible Company Names

Not in Telecoms and not exactly current, but the infamous PWC consulting spinoff "Monday" merits an honorable mention in the annals of terrible company names  I'd say!

akvasu 12/5/2012 | 4:56:54 PM
re: Top 20 Terrible Company Names

Well most of the commenters are have a 'Gupshup' :) It means a Casual Chit chat - Its a Hindi/Urdu slang - Since the company is from India it is actually a good name.....


 


You cant label it as a bad name on LR India can you :D


 


Which brings up the question - How many of these other bad names are actually good regional names?


 


Skoodat/Fiksu etc take the cake in any language probably....

Ceteris Paribus 12/5/2012 | 4:56:54 PM
re: Top 20 Terrible Company Names

... remember the name of Gazprom's JV in Nigeria? They called it NIGAZ. Jeez louise.

Charles_C 12/5/2012 | 4:56:54 PM
re: Top 20 Terrible Company Names

Just interested to know if and how long you can survive with a bad company name. Or just reprint the old list - 10th year anniversary edition :)

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