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Pulver's $200 Question

Phil Harvey
8/21/2006

11:30 PM -- I'm not a professional editor or anything, but a recent marketing message from someone named Carl at pulver.com struck my fancy so hard that I'm actually writing this while standing up.

In his note to me, "community developer" Carl, as his signature says, is reaching out to my community -- people with email addresses -- to see if he can interest one of us in attending the Fall VON trade show.

His approach is like none I've ever seen. Same goes for his use of punctuation, grammar, and logic.

See for yourself:

Dear Phil,
I want to make a special offer to you regarding Fall VON in Boston, September 12th - 14th, 2006. Fall VON is going to be very special.

Any amateur would have done just as expected and followed the above with some kind of offer. A discount. A tote bag. A back rub. Something.

Not Carl. Carl is an artist. And a special offer about a very special conference deserves a little build-up, wouldn't you agree? Now, don't just sit there nodding like a bobblehead. Keep reading:

This is our ten year anniversary of running the conference and it's the best place to see how far the V for Voice has also incorporated Video. The Place to see that the o is about the applications, the I for Internet is probably more distributed then ever and the P for protocol has moved up to the application layer with XML.


OK. Well. I said Carl was an artist. Little did I know he was actually going to get all batshit conceptual from the get-go.

So the V for Voice has incorporated Video? Really? What does that mean? And did anyone talk to Video's attorneys about that?

And, apparently, if I go to The Place, I'll somehow see that "o is about the applications"?

Dog my cats, he's not just playing with acronyms, here, Hopscotch. He may be actually tampering with the laws of physics.

Maybe we have to think about this in a more abstract manner. If "o" is about the applications, maybe the "I for Internet" is really about ham sandwiches and the "P" isn't about protocols. Maybe "P" is about dumping protocols and moving in with that tramp Sally, from Accounts Payable.

Is anyone following this? No? Doesn't matter. The note continues with a few more reasons to go to Fall VON:

But thats just part of the event. From the humble beginnings at the Puck building with a few hundred delegates to the show today with thousands of attendees, this event is reflecting the nature of the market. Carriers and competitors, partners and people will be gathered to discuss the Internet Communication. Whether it is using Fixed Mobile Convergence, IP multimedia subsystems, IP/TV or "traditional" VoIP its all happening at Fall VON. More carriers are speaking at Fall VON than ever before and the opportunity exists to see the present. hear the near future and share the benefits of gathering with the industry.


Just for giggles, let's ignore the fact that Carl's note uses punctuation like Emeril uses garlic. Punctuation is not folded with care into a fluffy message. Punctuation is sidearmed into a fryer, the panhandle is grabbed, and the whole mess is tossed skyward. Bam!

But we're ignoring that, remember? Let's, instead, focus on one key sentence: "Carriers and competitors, partners and people will be gathered to discuss the Internet Communication."

The Internet Communication? That's really what it says. I just wiped the tears from my eyes and read it again.

It's as though the pulver.com camp is studying at the Ted Stevens School of Internet Analogies. What is that phrase supposed to bring to mind -- a giant Princess Telephone hovering in the sky above Mount Olympus?

I am confused, but I am also a mere mortal. In Carl's world, you can see the present, but hear the near future. (And not in the same sentence, either.) In his world, you also know that the o is about the applications, partners are not people, and anything is possible.

Are you still sitting upright? I'm not. I'm flat on my back. At this point, the note couldn't get any more entertaining if it segued into a video of AT&T Inc. (NYSE: T) chairman Ed Whitacre gargling Mentos and Diet Coke. Sadly, it doesn't. But here's how it does end:

This event will feature a match making tool, so I may be replaced with a machine ;<). If you still need my help in making contacts don't hesitate to ask.

If you are planning and have not registered used "carlscode" for a $200 discount before the show.

Https://secure.pulver.com/cgi-bin/von?mode=pur&conf=vonfal06&type=g&pricode=carlscode

I look forward to seeing you.

Kind Regards,
carl
Community Developer
pulver.com


I hope that, for Carl's sake, he is not replaced with a machine. When partners and people will be gathered to discuss the Internet Communication, the last thing you want is precision and predictability.

— Phil Harvey, Last Minute Discount Editor, Light Reading

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DCITDave
DCITDave
12/5/2012 | 3:43:48 AM
re: Pulver's $200 Question
Ha!

Now don't throw Carl under that particular bus. There was nothing xenophobic in the message. It was just daffy and weird.

ph

DCITDave
DCITDave
12/5/2012 | 3:43:48 AM
re: Pulver's $200 Question
That's the "Internet Communication," dear Panda. It's not plural. There's only one, I guess.

The mind boggles.

ph
mu-law
mu-law
12/5/2012 | 3:43:48 AM
re: Pulver's $200 Question
Carl Ford = BobbyMax
sfwriter
sfwriter
12/5/2012 | 3:43:34 AM
re: Pulver's $200 Question
Apparently Jeff Pulver is paying a human billboard to wear his company's t-shirts:

http://pulverblog.pulver.com/a...

I bet Community Developer Carl wears them for free.
DCITDave
DCITDave
12/5/2012 | 3:43:33 AM
re: Pulver's $200 Question
Oh.
My.
Gosh.

ph
Upside_again
Upside_again
12/5/2012 | 3:43:31 AM
re: Pulver's $200 Question
Hey - A guy wearing pulver T-shirts for 222 days is better than the outfits he wears now. I saw a fat lady bent over gardening in same purple faggo rubber clogs he sports. U.G.L.Y...These guys sure are full of themselves - look at the rest of the self-involved blog.
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