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Larry's Back: Be Afraid

Hey kids!

It's the good-news, bad-news season. The bubble is back, and so is Larry!

That's right. The conclave is over, and with the Fifth Anniversary relaunch of Light Reading, your humble simian servant is set reluctantly to assume the prominent anchor-position he has never coveted. 30% More Monkey! is the Light Reading promise to you!

As for that bubble (and no, we don’t refer to Jacko's pal), capital expenditure is back in a big way:

  • BT is launching a network that will paint your kitchen and drive your kids to school.

  • Qwest has increased its offer for MCI to $87.50 a share plus a pristine 1952 Mickey Mantle rookie baseball card and a lovely set of Oneida™ flatware for each and every shareholder.

  • Wireless hotspots, warmspots, and moistspots are metastasizing at a phenomenal clip. By 2007, experts warn, you'll be able to watch "Everybody Loves Raymond" on your wristwatch during your morning commute.
And now for the good news.

We get letters (or "email," as the kids say). High-larious letters. Well. The letters themselves really aren't all that. But the people who send them... They call themselves such comical things!

We indulged in this sophisticated exercise once before (see Cheap Laughs With Larry), and the response was truly terrifying. [Memo to Bob Sitonmyface of Bogota, NJ: Sez you!] So, undaunted, we hurl ourselves once more into the mailbag maelstrom we like to call:

Cheap Laughs With Larry
  • Sittisak Kirativirojkul (UCOM)
    ...worth a Scrabble® score of 837!

  • Melissa Deep-Schmid (Arbinet)
    I often find myself in deep schmid after a few too many Jägermeisters.

  • Rengin Gundogdu (Telenity)
    I've stepped in this a few times as well.

  • Russell Krapf (JNI)
    Exactly what I said!

  • Bill Gram-Reefer (Worldview)
    Partied with this dude at the Fillmore back in '67. We were so freakin' stoned, we thought we saw...

  • Lyndon Johnson (Liberty Communications)
    We could only chalk it up to the tender ministrations of...

  • Bob Noseworthy (U of NH InterOp Lab)
    ...who was there with his inseparable pal...

  • Willem Boogers (KPN)
    In Dutch, I believe, "boogers" means "snot." Maybe not.

  • Klod Ghez (Amdocs)
    In Urdu, "klod" means "really neat guy."

  • Jacques LeDisco (Radical Tek)
    (speaking of which)

  • Paolo Lesbo (e.Biscom)
    ...has been spotted recently, cavorting with...

  • Paula Chase-Hyman (Aether Systems)
    Lotsa luck in this town! This guy tried it...

  • Richard Pain (Portlock Software)
    He came down with a serious case of...

  • Dimitri Triantafyllides (Wachovia Securities)
    Luckily, it cleared right up with a little...

  • Hema Ganapathy (Juniper)
    (Not yet FDA approved)

  • William Wanke (Telcordia)
    ...plays it safer.

  • Ronny Shankoff (Lornan Litho)
    ...also sticks to himself, so to speak.

  • Wonder Wang (D-Link)
    The world's cockiest superhero (available for children's parties)

  • Duane R. Dickhut (Broadcom)
    Photo Hut, Pizza Hut... Why not?

  • Larry Aszmann (Compellent Technologies)
    You've really gotta hear his "Lady of Spain," with...

  • Blue Thunder Somogyi (Teleglobe)
    ... on bass.

  • Shimmy Zimmels (deltathree)
    Shimmy, on the other hand doesn't work blue.

  • Rachel Chicken (Micromuse)
    Henny Penny's wayward daughter

  • Ping Pan (Juniper)
    Thank you ma'am!

  • Gopala Tumuluri (Foundry Networks)
    Tumaluraluri,
    Tumaluraly,
    Tumaluraluri...
    It's an Indian Lullllllaby!
Happy bubbling, boys & girls! And Happy Passover! Next year in Bangalore!

— Larry, Attack Monkey, Light Reading

Stevery 12/5/2012 | 3:41:01 AM
re: Larry's Back: Be Afraid Hey Monkey! Yes, you in the upper right corner of the screen! Who draws your feet, Jackson Pollock?

OK, that was my best shot at a web monkey. Pitiful, I know.
inauniversefarfaraway 12/5/2012 | 3:41:01 AM
re: Larry's Back: Be Afraid ROTFLMAO!!!!!
buddha_bone 12/5/2012 | 3:41:00 AM
re: Larry's Back: Be Afraid Larry, it's 2006, both Ping and Hema are at different companies these days (Hammerhead and Alcatel)! -bb
Larry, Monkey 12/5/2012 | 3:41:00 AM
re: Larry's Back: Be Afraid Buddha: old story. Watch this space for an update on the most recent doings of the Pings and Hemas and their ilk.
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