Here's the link, but Red Panda thinks it's worth quoting at length anyway:
- BRENTWOOD, N.H. -- Emergency workers helped a New Hampshire man out of a difficult situation over the weekend after a friend apparently locked a padlock around his testicles.
According to the Portsmouth Herald, police reported that the 39-year-old man was intoxicated when they arrived at the scene on July 30 at about 3:40 a.m. The man, who was not identified, told them that he had the padlock around his testicles for two weeks.
The man said that a friend put the lock on while he was drunk and passed out. When he woke up, the friend was gone.
"Never in my 13 years have I seen anything like this," Cpl. H.D. Wood told the Herald.
The man told police that he tried to remove the lock with a hacksaw because the key had broken off in the lock.
Okay, now go back and read the second paragraph again: "he had the padlock around his testicles for two weeks." Did he have to buy a new wardrobe?
— Puzzled Panda, Light Reading