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Holy Noise

Larry, Monkey
Monkey Bidness
Larry, Monkey
4/29/2007
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6:45 PM -- Newsday, reporting from Massilon, Ohio, asks that eternally vexing question:

    Is it worship? Or disturbing the peace?

    Neighbors of Worshippers of Christ the Warrior King Church have petitioned the city, saying screams and sounds of glory and praise coming from the building are a nuisance. But church members contend they're being harassed because of how they worship...

    "They have a sound system over there that is very loud," said neighbor Reginald Winters. "I'm in my house with the door shut, and literally, my windows are vibrating in my house. ... This year, it's started right back up..."
Un-damned kids!

    "I'm still hoping for an amicable, diplomatic solution," said Williams, an ordained minister and the son of a pastor.
Hmmm... Might take a miracle.

— Larry, Attack Monkey, Light Reading

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Larry, Monkey
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Larry, Monkey,
User Rank: Light Beer
12/5/2012 | 3:09:29 PM
re: Holy Noise
There are no chainsaws in heaven.
sfwriter
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sfwriter,
User Rank: Light Beer
12/5/2012 | 3:09:29 PM
re: Holy Noise
When I was a kid, a Catholic church in my neighborhood rang the bells too early and often. A neighbor found the perfect solution: he fired up his electric chainsaw and ran it during mass, drowning out the priest. The bells have been silent ever since.
PetPanda
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PetPanda,
User Rank: Light Beer
12/5/2012 | 3:09:29 PM
re: Holy Noise
The first thing I heard when I woke up this morning was church bells... The second thing I heard was my mother muttering about how she was going to call the cops if we had yet another day of constant bell gonging. I thought, how exactly do you report that? But I guess this story says it all.

Keep it down you worshipers! I can barely hear myself think evil thoughts!
Lite Rock
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Lite Rock,
User Rank: Light Beer
12/5/2012 | 3:09:28 PM
re: Holy Noise
You Guys really do need a Light Reading Rabbit!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v...

The most interesting part was the retaliation:

"Sowell said light bulbs have been stolen from the building and beer bottles have been wedged beneath the tires of members' vehicles.

If all this noise keeps up they may get taunted a second time!
Larry, Monkey
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Larry, Monkey,
User Rank: Light Beer
12/5/2012 | 3:09:28 PM
re: Holy Noise
And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, "O Lord, bless this Thy hand grenade that with it Thou mayest blow Thine enemies to tiny bits, in Thy mercy." And the Lord did grin and the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths and carp and anchovies and orangutans and breakfast cereals, and fruit bats and large chu... [Whereupon the friar is urged, "skip a bit, brother"]... And the Lord spake, saying, "First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin, then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it." Amen.
Garsk
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Garsk,
User Rank: Light Beer
12/5/2012 | 3:09:28 PM
re: Holy Noise
Fire the Inter-Church Ballistic Missile!

(With apologies to Monty Python).
tailpin
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tailpin,
User Rank: Light Beer
12/5/2012 | 3:09:26 PM
re: Holy Noise
The kinniggits of liggit Reading?

Had a similar issue with a neighbor bringing his speakers to the front yard to listen to his music (my noise). Cured that problem by bringing my stereo out and playing bagpipe music. Cost me $6 at the record store though. You don't even need a good stereo!

Are ther bagpipes in heaven?
tailpin
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tailpin,
User Rank: Light Beer
12/5/2012 | 3:09:26 PM
re: Holy Noise
Perhaps in close proximity to the evil thoughts of which PetPanda spake?
Larry, Monkey
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Larry, Monkey,
User Rank: Light Beer
12/5/2012 | 3:09:26 PM
re: Holy Noise
I believe bagpipes are found in the 7th Circle of Hell. Just above accordians.
sfwriter
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sfwriter,
User Rank: Light Beer
12/5/2012 | 3:09:25 PM
re: Holy Noise
Hell is a neighbor learning to play the bagpipes in his back yard. And I actually like bagpipes.
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