& cplSiteName &

Grooming Nightmare

Larry, Monkey
Monkey Bidness
Larry, Monkey
5/3/2005

11:00 AM -- The nauseating things that can go on in your head. This revolting hygeine alert landed in the Spam Sack the other day:

    Human demodex has no intermediate host. It passes its whole life in the hair follicle and sebaceous glands of man. It is bisexual and reproduces through intercourse at the openings of hair follicles, after which it goes back to surrounding hair follicles and sebaceous glands to lay eggs and reproduce.

    The life cycle of human demodex can be divided into five stagers
    [sic]. It is estimated that about 12 hours after mating, the demodex will lay its eggs which will hatch 60 hours later. After 36 hours of feeding, the demodex larva will moult into undeveloped protonymphs which move with sebum. After another 72 hours, they will moult again into nymphs which are stronger. They are now capable of climbing out of hair follicles and sebaceous glands to the surface of the skin. Another 60 hours later, they finally moult into adult demodex... It avoids light, and loves warmth. Therefore, it is more active when its human host is sleeping. Most adult demodex crawl out of the hair follicle at this time to find mates to copulate at the openings...

    Its secretion, excretion and dead bodies will accumulate in the hair follicles and sebaceous glands. Its parasitic activities will cause physio-chemical stimulation and local adverse reaction... Attention and further study are needed...
No. Please. No further study. I, for one, already know more than I need to know about these voracious, bisexual, sebum-slurping protonymphs.

Our correspondent, of course, offers a cure: Soap, it seems. Well, duh. This monkey, however, will save his money and do what he's always done -- have his buddy pick the stuff out of his scalp... and eat it!

— Larry, Attack Monkey, Light Reading

(0)  | 
Comment  | 
Print  | 
Related Stories
Newest First  |  Oldest First  |  Threaded View        ADD A COMMENT
More Blogs from Monkey Bidness
6:00 AM America's worst food begins a long, profitable march across Russia
4:00 PM Larry the Attack Monkey wishes you a carnage-free holiday season
5:15 PM Freedom from marketing abuse, that is
9:10 AM Step away from the stuffed animal...
9:45 AM The slop-bucket list
Featured Video
Upcoming Live Events
March 16-18, 2020, Embassy Suites, Denver, Colorado
May 18-20, 2020, Irving Convention Center, Dallas, TX
All Upcoming Live Events
Upcoming Webinars
Webinar Archive