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Pump This

11:10 AM -- Here's a company name you probably won't forget in a hurry -- PumpOne.

Yes. PumpOne.

Following the over-indulgence of the festive period, this is the right time of year to know about PumpOne -- corporate slogan, "Let's Get Pumping!" -- as it provides "a portable training program for color screen iPods, Treos and other handheld devices."

Apparently, it's "like having an elite personal trainer" on your portable device.

How did I manage without one?

Now the company has a new service -- PumpOne Mobile. This new development is particularly great, because it means "Cell Phones Just Got Healthy." Just how unhealthy PumpOne thinks they have been up to now isn't specified.

Anyhoo, listen up, all you lard-arses, because PumpOne Mobile will revolutionize the way you use your mobile phone. Oh yes.

What happens is that you trade in your lovely, slim mobile phone for an early 1990s-style handset that's the size, and weight, of a brick, and then you get really fit carrying it about!

Not really.

The new service "offers the first complete visual personal training workout programs for cell phones making it possible to instantly receive expert fitness advice, wherever you are and whenever you want it."

That'll be nowhere, and never.

Now, who wants extra mozarella on their cheese feast?

— Ray Le Maistre, Workout and Diets Editor, Light Reading

digits 12/5/2012 | 3:17:14 PM
re: Pump This A personal trainer on your cell phone?

The business case is classic. People will pay to have a software package on their phone that tells them to move. Physically. And not just to get the remote. How pathetic can you get?

Anyone who is overweight and unfit and wants to do something about it doesn't need to pay $14.99 for 30 days to know they need to get off their jelly butts and do some sort of exercise without the final destination being a fast food joint. It's called basic common sense.

And you know what? This whole IPTV malarkey is hardly going to encourage people to spend more time on their feet than on their arses, is it?

We should be encouraging each other to get out more and generate some endorphins through physical exercise rather than wondering whether we can generate a multi-person video chat to discuss who's going to get pumped in the new episode of 'Desperate Domestic Engineers' that's just downloaded over the home wiring and onto the shiny new PVR.

There.... that's one bug-bear off my chest...
paolo.franzoi 12/5/2012 | 3:17:13 PM
re: Pump This
Ray,

It is really simple and can be summed up in 5 words. Its that fifth word that gives people trouble....

Eat Less.
Exercise More.
Forever.

seven
CoolLightGeek 12/5/2012 | 3:17:10 PM
re: Pump This "Anyone who is overweight and unfit and wants to do something about it doesn't need to pay $14.99 for 30 days to know they need to get off their jelly butts and do some sort of exercise without the final destination being a fast food joint. It's called basic common sense."

Ray,
You need to wake up and relearn PT Barnum 101. The marketing is not directly targeted to overweight people that would benefit most from exercise: The marketing of "Virtual personal trainers" is to target to people who would actually consider getting a real personal trainer. I.e., person who are already fit and have good body self image or people who need to get or stay fit to keep their careers going. The exercise junkies eat this stuff up just like the integrated nike/ipod pitch.

The marketing folks know the couch potatoes that buy into Pumpone are unlikely to last a week on their programs, but Pumpone hopes they'll keep paying for it for several extra months out of the guilt of not exercising. Its the same gambit as most health clubs.

If Pumpone can get enough exercise junkies to buyin for the long run, then they are likely to get a fresh crop of short lived couch potatoes every month, (especially in January). Couch potatoes that temporarily fool themselves that the have enough perserverance to do what it takes to get fit: A few will actually benefit but most quickly move back to couches.

My wife went to the gym today and had 50 people in her aerobics class when for the last 3 months there were no more than 15!

Time for a few 12 oz curls...

CLG
whyiswhy 12/5/2012 | 3:17:07 PM
re: Pump This Err, make mine a 12oz shake and throw in some curly fries cooked with double hydrogenated oil! All that stress on the heart has got to be good for it!
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