Hardbottle Dreaming

Where would Cisco Systems Inc. (Nasdaq: CSCO) be today if it were being run by Olo Peatfingers of Brockenborings?

While that's not a question you're likely to be asked every day, it's more likely to crop up now that the world is once again gripped by Lord of the Rings fever.

Tolkein fans are about to get their latest fix as the third Lord of the Rings film, The Return of the King, appears at movie theaters around the world. And one of the more interesting offshoots of the films' amazing success has been the creation of a Website that tells you what your name would be if you were a hobbit (Tolkein's diminutive hairy-footed heroes… If you don't know, don't ask).

Well, it's what the Web was created for, isn't it?

So we thought we'd find out what the names of the telecom industry's major movers and shakers would be if they were hobbits. So here goes:

  • John Chambers, CEO, Cisco -- Olo Peatfingers of Brockenborings
  • Patricia Russo, CEO, Lucent Technologies Inc. (NYSE: LU) -- Flora Frumblefoot of Scary
  • Scott Kriens, CEO, Juniper Networks Inc. (Nasdaq: JNPR) -- Lotho Tighfield of Tookbank
  • Serge Tchuruk, CEO, Alcatel SA (NYSE: ALA; Paris: CGEP:PA) -- Podo Proudfoot
  • Jorma Ollila, CEO, Nokia Corp. (NYSE: NOK) -- Polo Goldworthy of Michel Delving
  • David Dorman, CEO, AT&T Corp. (NYSE: T) -- Drogo Hardbottle
  • Frank Dunn, CEO, Nortel Networks Corp. (NYSE/Toronto: NT) -- Fastolph Hardbottle (unveiling a closer relationship with Dave Dorman than we'd thought…)
  • Bernie Ebbers, the guy what sank WorldCom Inc. -- Togo Loamsdown
  • Mike Parton, CEO, Marconi Corp. plc (Nasdaq: MRCIY; London: MONI) -- Ferdirand Sandydowns
  • Thomas Ganswindt, head of ICN (information and communication networks) at Siemens AG (NYSE: SI; Frankfurt: SIE) -- Moro Bolger of Newbury
Now, if you believe this article in any way denigrates this fine industry, or just plain annoys you, then please contact the founders of Light Reading, Wilibald Danderfluff of Willowbottom (Peter Heywood) or his near neighbor, Podo Bramble of Willowbottom (Steve Saunders).

And if you want to put in the name of your CEO, and then post it on the message board below (go on, you know you want to…) then visit The Hobbit Name Generator.

— Samwise Bunce of Brockenborings (Ray Le Maistre), International Editor, Boardwatch

DCITDave 12/4/2012 | 11:10:32 PM
re: Hardbottle Dreaming Nice story, Ray.

Lardo Chubb of Deephollow
ooj 12/4/2012 | 11:10:32 PM
re: Hardbottle Dreaming DId you get male names for men and female names for women?

Would it have been as interesting if it was done right?
digits 12/4/2012 | 11:10:30 PM
re: Hardbottle Dreaming ooj

Wassup? Yes, I followed the website's protocol to the letter. Pat Russo's name went in the Laydeez field.

If you have some dead time, you can repeat my exercise and get the same results, but I'm sure you have better things to do....like enter the names of other telecom industry figures, and then share them with us!! :-)

Myrtle Bunce of Brockenborings (Ray Le Maistre)

PS: Did anyone notice that I am clearly a blood relative of John Chambers? Or 'Brother John' as I shall now be obliged to call him....
digits 12/4/2012 | 11:10:29 PM
re: Hardbottle Dreaming ooj

but while Pat Russo's name was entered in the right field, some of the male names were not. Hey even I've undergone a sex change now!!

All the males are now male hobbits, though I must say I quite liked some of the female names for the guys....

Samwise Bunce of Brockenborings (Ray "Can't enter names correctly" Le Maistre)
Tony Li 12/4/2012 | 11:10:28 PM
re: Hardbottle Dreaming

Is this industry truly come to this?

Sancho Hornblower of Waymoot
digerato 12/4/2012 | 11:10:26 PM
re: Hardbottle Dreaming "Is this industry truly come to this?"

Well, dunno about you, but the orders are hardly flooding in industry-wide, so we all have some time on our collective hands...

Incidentally, I like this name generator better:


It generates Elven and Wizard names, and seems pretty much dead-on in naming Mory Ejabat (CEO, Zhone) "Balrogs Wolf-Sauron".

signmeup 12/4/2012 | 11:10:26 PM
re: Hardbottle Dreaming Well, using your link I am henceforth known as:

Fragrin 'the Old' Jackley of Nobottle

Frankly the nobottle part worries me... I had always hoped to retire with my hands wrapped around a fifth of good scotch, warming myself near the fire.

As well as this industry is doing, nobottle sounds about right!
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