2001 Top Ten: Newsletter One-Liners

Talk about taking one step forward and one step back.

Each month, an average of 1,746 people sign themselves up for our Light Reading Weekly email newsletter – a compilation of the most interesting stories on Light Reading published during the previous week, accompanied by some pithy (and occasionally pissy) editorial commentary.

And each month, an average of 1,245 people unsubscribe themselves – often in a state of shocked disgust or outrage over something we printed in our latest missive. We can’t share the specific complaints we get with these unsubscribe messages, mainly because most of them aren’t $%#&ing fit to print.

But we can point you to the ten newsletter one-liners that provoked the strongest reaction from subscribers, and the stories that they were promoting.

Incidentally, for the record, we now have 33,155 subscribers to the newsletter. If you’re not a subscriber to Light Reading Weekly and want to join them, feel free to click here:

http://www.lightreading.com/register/register_new.asp

And don’t worry; unsubscribe instructions come free with every newsletter.

News Analysis: Charlotte's Web: Who's Best Now?

Scientists marvel as an entire company develops Little Man's Syndrome.

http://www.lightreading.com/document.asp?site=lightreading&doc_id=8676

Terabit Router Test: Juniper Wins. Cisco Spins.

Cisco interpreted the overall results of our latest test differently, misquoted some facts and failed to acknowledge that Light Reading commissioned the test. The truth, according to their press release, had some stretch marks.

http://www.lightreading.com/document.asp?doc_id=4175

Dance craze sweeps the nation: Take two steps back, spin. Take one step forward, grin. Do the Cisco shuffle!

News Analysis: Caspian Charges Hard IBM will fabricate its chips. Who will fabricate its customers?

http://www.lightreading.com/document.asp?site=lightreading&doc_id=6246

News Analysis: Ciena Struts Its Stuff

* Strong quarterly results? Check.
* Obligatory macroeconomic warning? Uh-huh.
* Pat Nettles title changed from Chairman to Super-Duper Executive Chairman? You betcha.
http://www.lightreading.com/document.asp?site=lightreading&doc_id=5249

Market Stat: VCs Turn Back the Clock

VCs: can't live with them, not allowed to shoot them.

http://www.lightreading.com/document.asp?doc_id=5169

News Analysis: Tellabs Pins Hopes on Optical

Tellabs -- makers of wood-burning telecom gear for the NEW 19th century network. http://www.lightreading.com/document.asp?site=lightreading&doc_id=8873

News Analysis: Optisphere's Spielvogel Speaks American

* Hi! My name is (what?)
* My name is (who?)
* My name is [record scratch] Jost Spielvogel! (Look... There's Elton John!)

http://www.lightreading.com/document.asp?doc_id=3918

Market Stats: Metro Access

New CIR report: Ethernet and native IP are becoming increasingly popular.

Next month: Newsflash! Lincoln shot!

http://www.lightreading.com/document.asp?doc_id=1972

The Name: Arescom (http://www.arescom.com)

Pronounced "arse-com" (at least by Light Reading editors). Not really a PR pitch, but bloody funny anyway. Has led to prolonged bouts of total, uncontrollable, can't-get-your-breath-because-you-are-laughing-so-hard hilarity during editorial meetings.

The Culprit: Arescom (Yes – that's Arescom! Remember the name!)

The Client: Arescom (Proposed motto: "We put the arse in com")

Lightspeed Europe 2001 – The Optical Networking Event

What: An optical networking event by Light Reading and Penton Media
Where: Earls Court, U.K.
When: December 4 to 6, 2001

http://www.lightspeedeurope.com

Yes, we're packing our pork pies and readying our best Dick Van Dyke accents. The entire Light Reading staff (all 25 of them) is coming to Blighty for Lightspeed Europe. Join us for what critics are already calling the United Nations of optical networking. "Roll out the barrel! We'll have a barrel of..." [Ed.note: stop that!]

And now, some U.K. Trivia:

Which of the following are NOT the names of real Unitary Councils in the U.K.?

1) Stoke-on-Trent
2) Stockton-on-Tees
3) Kingston upon Hull
4) White-on-Rice
5) Arse-on-Fire
6) Blackburn with Darwin
7) Captain on Tennille
8) Stank-on-Me-Hang-Low
9) Newcastle upon Tyne
10) Telford and Wrekin

Answers to U.K. trivia: Items 4,5,7 & 8 are not Unitary Councils in the U.K.

While we're at it, here's some help with the language:

American, British

--------------------

pants, trousers
underpants, pants
Suspenders, braces
bathrobe, dressing gown
Jennifer Jason Leigh, Helena Bonham Carter
ass, arse
beer, beer
Helen Hunt, Cockney rhyming slang

(3)  |