2001 Top Ten: Newsletter One-Liners

Talk about taking one step forward and one step back.

Each month, an average of 1,746 people sign themselves up for our Light Reading Weekly email newsletter – a compilation of the most interesting stories on Light Reading published during the previous week, accompanied by some pithy (and occasionally pissy) editorial commentary.

And each month, an average of 1,245 people unsubscribe themselves – often in a state of shocked disgust or outrage over something we printed in our latest missive. We can’t share the specific complaints we get with these unsubscribe messages, mainly because most of them aren’t $%#&ing fit to print.

But we can point you to the ten newsletter one-liners that provoked the strongest reaction from subscribers, and the stories that they were promoting.

Incidentally, for the record, we now have 33,155 subscribers to the newsletter. If you’re not a subscriber to Light Reading Weekly and want to join them, feel free to click here:


And don’t worry; unsubscribe instructions come free with every newsletter.


No. 10

No. 9

    Terabit Router Test: Juniper Wins. Cisco Spins.

    Cisco interpreted the overall results of our latest test differently, misquoted some facts and failed to acknowledge that Light Reading commissioned the test. The truth, according to their press release, had some stretch marks.


    Dance craze sweeps the nation: Take two steps back, spin. Take one step forward, grin. Do the Cisco shuffle!

No. 8

No. 7

No. 6

No. 5

No. 4

No. 3

No. 2

    The Name: Arescom (http://www.arescom.com)

    Pronounced "arse-com" (at least by Light Reading editors). Not really a PR pitch, but bloody funny anyway. Has led to prolonged bouts of total, uncontrollable, can't-get-your-breath-because-you-are-laughing-so-hard hilarity during editorial meetings.

    The Culprit: Arescom (Yes – that's Arescom! Remember the name!)

    The Client: Arescom (Proposed motto: "We put the arse in com")

No. 1

    Lightspeed Europe 2001 – The Optical Networking Event

    What: An optical networking event by Light Reading and Penton Media
    Where: Earls Court, U.K.
    When: December 4 to 6, 2001


    Yes, we're packing our pork pies and readying our best Dick Van Dyke accents. The entire Light Reading staff (all 25 of them) is coming to Blighty for Lightspeed Europe. Join us for what critics are already calling the United Nations of optical networking. "Roll out the barrel! We'll have a barrel of..." [Ed.note: stop that!]

    And now, some U.K. Trivia:

    Which of the following are NOT the names of real Unitary Councils in the U.K.?

    1) Stoke-on-Trent
    2) Stockton-on-Tees
    3) Kingston upon Hull
    4) White-on-Rice
    5) Arse-on-Fire
    6) Blackburn with Darwin
    7) Captain on Tennille
    8) Stank-on-Me-Hang-Low
    9) Newcastle upon Tyne
    10) Telford and Wrekin

    Answers to U.K. trivia: Items 4,5,7 & 8 are not Unitary Councils in the U.K.

    While we're at it, here's some help with the language:

    American, British


    pants, trousers
    underpants, pants
    Suspenders, braces
    bathrobe, dressing gown
    Jennifer Jason Leigh, Helena Bonham Carter
    ass, arse
    beer, beer
    Helen Hunt, Cockney rhyming slang

— The Staff, Light Reading
Cyras Forever 12/4/2012 | 7:23:24 PM
re: 2001 Top Ten: Newsletter One-Liners A great year guys, good coverage all around. I chuckle remembering almost all of the top 10 in this article.

And to those who have problems with LR's advertising-for-editorial scheme, can't you fimd something better to do? This system has been key to promoting the industry, and key players like Cyras.

Our very best to the staff at Light Reading. We wish you and your readers a prosperous New Year!
optigirl 12/4/2012 | 7:23:23 PM
re: 2001 Top Ten: Newsletter One-Liners Thanks for the reminders. Good stuff.

One question though...why do you have a an October 2000 mention here? See comment #3. I thought that this was supposed to be for 2001 newsletters.

Someone at CIR forget to pay for the ads you are running for them?
Two 12/4/2012 | 7:22:39 PM
re: 2001 Top Ten: Newsletter One-Liners Tellabs -- makers of wood-burning telecom gear for the NEW 19th century network.

Very nice...but you give them too much credit.

Their marketing is the best..."Clear Ideas for tomorrow's network"...which means they cancel all their "tomorrow" products and hope "tomorrow's network" ends up like today's.

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