Charlotte's Flaming Web

3:00 PM -- The Associated Press reports on heroic spiders, as if there were any other kind:

    A woman who hates spiders is crediting them with helping save her from a house fire. Danielle Vigue, 18, says she awoke early Tuesday to find spiders in her room, and started killing them. When more showed up, she says she went across the hall and got into bed with her 15-year-old sister, Lauren.

    "At first there were five, they were all around the light fixture," Danielle Vigue told The Saginaw News. "I hate spiders, they freak me out."

A budding entomologist, Danielle is.

    A few hours later, Vigue's 48-year-old mother, Debra, and 8-year-old sister, Shelby, smelled smoke, and flames greeted the family when they opened the door to the room Danielle Vigue had earlier left.

Flames "greeted" the family, you say? "Welcome, family! Can I offer you some toast or a third-degree burn?"

    "I will never kill another spider again," she told WNEM-TV in Saginaw.

Hooray! A beautiful story!

But, not so fast... The plot takes an unexpected turn:

    Richland Township Fire Chief Gary Wade, a 30-year veteran of the Saginaw County department, was surprised by Vigue's story.

    "I've never heard of spiders saving someone from a fire before," Wade said.

What?! Try emerging from under that rock once in a while, Wade...

— Red "Some Pig" Panda, Light Reading

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