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Buy Excuses Online!

5:15 PM -- MSNBC.com reports on the Excused Absence Network: a company that sells "excuse notes" for those who lack the creativity gene necessary for producing a good old fashioned, free lie:

    For about $25, students and employees can buy excuse notes that appear to come from doctors or hospitals. Other options include a fake jury summons or an authentic-looking funeral service program complete with comforting poems and a list of pallbearers.

    Some question whether the products are legal or ethical — or even work — but the company’s owners say they’re just helping people do something they would have done anyway.

Sort of similar to the "We'll Kill Them for You Network" -- since, you know, you would've done it anyway.

And from the "encouraging good work ethic" files:

    "Millions of Americans work dead-end jobs, and sometimes they just need a day off," said John Liddell, co-founder of the Internet-based company Vision Matters, which sells the notes as part of its Excused Absence Network. "People are going to lie anyway. How many people go visit their doctors every day when they’re not sick because they just need a note?"

A true humanitarian you are, Liddell!

    The company’s customers receive templates so they can print the notes after typing the name and address of a local doctor or emergency room. Those who choose jury duty as an excuse to miss work enter their county courthouse information on the form...

    The Vision Matters founders said many employees are fed up with working long hours for little pay, then having no flexibility if they needed to tend to a sick relative or attend their children’s school activities.

    "If employers would treat people the way they need to be treated, people wouldn’t be using these notes," Liddell said.

Well done! Now I suppose we just sit back and watch the job perks roll on in. Triumph.

— Red "I'm Out Dead" Panda, Light Reading

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