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Blessed Are the Pantless

11:00 AM – A faithful reader has alerted us to the following hot item on eBay:

Jesus Christ's Pants – Actually Worn by the Son of God
"This is not a joke," the description begins. Well, what kind of unnatural heathen cynic would think such a thing? "This is the absolutely true story of how Jesus Christ ended up wearing my pants for a half hour..."

It seems that one dark and stormy night, "depressed and feeling hopeless... I heard a large boom and turned around and Jesus Christ, our Lord and Saviour was standing in my kitchen." I love the "boom" – how very Jesus-like, the zany prankster. Clad only in His usual "long white robe... He said he was cold so I offered to give him some warm clothes from my closet. This included a blue and grey jacket, white socks, grey underwear and an old pair of jeans." Let this be a lesson to you, Jesus: Always check the local weather report before traveling.

Jesus and his haberdasher chatted for a while, then Jesus returned the clothes and buggered off. Probably wanted to get home in time for Everybody Loves Raymond. Enough miracle for any man or monkey, I'd say. But wait – there's more:

"My luck instantly changed. The next morning, due to the freak storm, all of the carports in our apartment complex were crushed by the weight of the snow. All of them, 30 or so, except mine. My 1987 Trans Am was still safe..." Thank you, Jesus! for smiting all my neighbors' cars!

"I still have those items I let Jesus borrow for a little while," writes Miracle Boy, "and now I want to share the pants he wore with the world." The pants, sure. But how 'bout the holey undies? And did he finish the sandwich?

Bidding is up to $13.01 and counting.

This is not a joke.

— Larry, Attack Monkey, Light Reading

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