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5 Things We Hope 'New Ethernet' Might Be

Phil Harvey

Ray and I were musing about the "New Ethernet" that's being announced Thursday. Ethernet's appointed father, Texas resident Bob Metcalfe, will reveal all in a Webcast hosted by the MEF . (See Metcalfe to Unveil 'New Ethernet'.)

In advance of the official announcement, we banged our tiny, caffeine-addled brains together to see what (in an ideal, carefree world) we would want the "New Ethernet" to be.

Here are the best of our worst ideas:

1) EtherNetflix: Super-fast data services with integrated video content based on your personal preferences and viewing history. Ray's would come with 24/7 Blues Brothers. ("Bring me four fried chickens and a Coke…")

2) Ethernetbook: A small, portable, always connected reading device (comes with 2-mile long cable and jack) that's linked to a cloud-based repository of every novel ever written. I'd read The Da Vinci Code first to see if is as darned awful as everyone says. It can't be any worse than the movie (which wouldn't be in my EtherNetflix queue).

3) Ethernot: No calories. No cholesterol. No fat. Borrowing from the trend in today's food labels, Ethernot technology rewrites your marketing pitches so that they only tout missing ingredients. Should come in handy in this industry.

4) Ethanet: A cross between Ethernet and ethanol. Data connectivity with a kick like a mule… yeehah! Make mine a double.

5) Ethernetherlands: A next-generation service that has 100 percent uptime with zero latency or packet loss but is only available in Holland -- which, fascinatingly, is a "significant consumer of ecstasy," according to the CIA's World Factbook.

— Phil Harvey, Editor-in-Chief, and Ray Le Maistre, International Managing Editor, Light Reading

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12/5/2012 | 5:41:46 PM
re: 5 Things We Hope 'New Ethernet' Might Be


ATM over Token Ring?

seven :)

El Emeekee
El Emeekee
12/5/2012 | 5:41:45 PM
re: 5 Things We Hope 'New Ethernet' Might Be

Yea, and according to the pictures in that same CIA's World Factbook, The Netherlands consists of an estuarium, a tulip field, a windmill and Amsterdam. How myopic can an agency be?

Anyway, if Netherlands should have a role, I would vote for "Etherneut" - neut being Dutch slang for a good glass of gin.

12/5/2012 | 5:41:44 PM
re: 5 Things We Hope 'New Ethernet' Might Be

Second star to the right and straight on till morning...

12/5/2012 | 5:41:42 PM
re: 5 Things We Hope 'New Ethernet' Might Be

Celulosic, if possible, but high octane.

12/5/2012 | 5:41:41 PM
re: 5 Things We Hope 'New Ethernet' Might Be

Ethernut - Hard bolted Ethernet

or a pleasant-smelling hard-core, super fast and extremely service oriented premium nut, or may be Light Reading's writer with ethernet bolted to his brain?

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