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10 Reasons to Attend Supercomm

1:45 PM -- Supercomm has sent me a list of "Top 10 Reasons to Attend SUPERCOMM". I am intrigued by their choices and have presented them below, with my commentary:

1. See new products - KGP, Huawei, Ciena, Cisco and Ulticom are just a few of the companies showcasing new to marketing products [sic]

Yes, of course. We do want to see a few of the companies showcasing new to marketing products.

Wait a minute. Are you OK? Is the stress of putting on a big make-or-break show like this getting you down? Sakes alive, your syntax is suffering and your synapses don't seem to be synapping. Or whatever they're supposed to do.

Who is writing this crap, anyway? Someone from Pulver.com?

2. Visit New Suppliers such as AT&T, Samsung, Amdocs, Ericsson and more who added SUPERCOMM to their list of must-attend events this year

Do you think AT&T considers anything a must-attend event? The company makes something like $74B a year in profits. It could just rent the city of Chicago and make everyone leave for a weekend if it wanted to.

3. Keep-up-to-date with industry trends, such as cloud computing, IPTV, national broadband strategy, stimulus funding, social media and more in our conference sessions and interactive presentations

4. Finalize your purchases with your current vendors

Has anyone ever signed a purchase order at a tradeshow? I thought that was the stuff of legend. Like the time Cisco's CEO John Chambers talked throughout a Bruce Springsteen concert because he was trying to close a deal with Worldcom. Oops. I wasn't supposed to write that.

5. Network with vendors at interactive events such as the Cisco Exception Reception and ongoing presentations in the Exploration Theater

Meh.

6. Explore export/import opportunities - visit the Korean Pavilion, TPACK, Amartus, Cambridge Industries Group and more international exhibiting companies

Come see products exactly like yours, only cheaper.

7. Share experiences with industry colleagues who are facing the same economic challenges

Oh, great. Let me hop on a plane, let work pile up for a week, and walk around an exhibit hall all day so I can hear about other people's problems. That'll cheer me right up.

8. Put your finger on the pulse of today's broadband technology trends at panel discussions on topics such as National Broadband Strategy

Hi, are you Reason #8? Sorry, I thought you were Reason #3. Uncanny resemblance.

9. Experience the future of broadband technology each day as industry leaders from network services to content creation share their vision on the future of broadband life and business. The keynote line up features leaders from Verizon, AT&T, NBC Universal, TiVo, Deutsche Telekom, and Cox Communications

Your first sentence doesn't make sense. At all. Are you drinking in the daytime? And the content creation boast is a stretch at best. You got an entertainment lawyer to speak. Big deal. Look out that window...

Another nit to pick: I know Supercomm insists that "Broadband Life" is some kind of a theme. But the content is so generically telecom that the theme may as well be something like "Stuff With Plugs and Batteries (Sometimes)" or even, "All Things Not Cars."

10. See the products that you've been reading and hearing about all year long

Again with the products. We get it, OK? There will be products. Does that get people to buy plane tickets? Telecom gear? If a router in a 7-foot rack TP'd my front yard and kicked my dog, I swear I couldn't pick it out of a police lineup.

So here's the score -- There are three reasons to come to Supercomm:

  • First, there will be new products. They will be beige in color, made in China, and attached to 7-foot racks. They will have impossible names, like "UZAFRT3400 Access Edge Subscriber Modulation Maker Solution." You will see exactly three of these before you go insane.

  • Second, there will be thought leaders from big telcos who want an "even competitive playing field" or, failing that, time travel back to the 1970s. You would love to ask one of these thought leaders a question, but they're flanked by high-strung young people wearing dark, pinstripped pantsuits with white shirt collars that are always pulled out over the jacket lapels. These people are paid to frown at you and insist that there just isn't enough time for the thought leaders to talk to you. Amazingly, even in a down economy, the pinstriped frowner to thought leader ratio is something like 13-to-1.

  • Third, you should come console your industry peers, who no longer have expense accounts. Unfortunately for you, this will mean that you just went all the way to Chicago to eat at a friggin' Applebee's.

I can't wait. I'll have a Triple Chocolate Meltdown, a large Diet Coke, and one of those UZAFRT3400 product brochures. Drop by my booth and frown at me. Things are definitely looking up.

— Phil Harvey, Editor-in-Chief, Light Reading

paolo.franzoi 12/5/2012 | 3:54:08 PM
re: 10 Reasons to Attend Supercomm

 


11.  Don't miss the lovely late fall weather in the Chicago area.  It never rains in California, but this ain't California!


seven


 

DCITDave 12/5/2012 | 3:54:07 PM
re: 10 Reasons to Attend Supercomm One year Supercomm was in Atlanta, in June. Guess the surface of the Sun was booked.
digits 12/5/2012 | 3:54:07 PM
re: 10 Reasons to Attend Supercomm ....coz now I wanna hit Chicago town.... but it's a trip too far this time.




Phil, have one of those UZFARTs for me...

kaps 12/5/2012 | 3:54:06 PM
re: 10 Reasons to Attend Supercomm

Don't forget entertainment! Wasn't it the USTA that had that old-man band plunking away in the middle of a huge ballroom at the Venetian, surrounded by piles of old cheese and "freshly carved roast beef"?


Yes. That was the USTA. Your Supercomm hosts. Party on, Wayne! Party on, Garth!

kaps 12/5/2012 | 3:54:06 PM
re: 10 Reasons to Attend Supercomm

Don't forget entertainment! Wasn't it the USTA that had that old-man band plunking away in the middle of a huge ballroom at the Venetian, surrounded by piles of old cheese and "freshly carved roast beef"?


Yes. That was the USTA. Your Supercomm hosts. Party on, Wayne! Party on, Garth!

millomar 12/5/2012 | 3:54:05 PM
re: 10 Reasons to Attend Supercomm

Is this some event where you go to get your syntax mangled?


Perhaps it's the place you go to get your press release out without it being subbed.


I understand that the UZAFRT3400 is pretty good with a side of beans and chili.


larryw408 12/5/2012 | 3:54:05 PM
re: 10 Reasons to Attend Supercomm

...the rain in Chicago is typically of the high-velocity lead variety...

Between the spams, snailmail flyers and telemarketing calls, the organizer's desperation is palpable.

DCITDave 12/5/2012 | 3:54:04 PM
re: 10 Reasons to Attend Supercomm I think that was the first NXTcomm. Which was also the last NXTcomm.
DCITDave 12/5/2012 | 3:54:03 PM
re: 10 Reasons to Attend Supercomm Well, don't get on them for trying to get the word out. It's brutal out there in the world of tech conferences. But feel free to ding them for style points. A company producing content should be held to a higher standard. Pile on if you like.
larryw408 12/5/2012 | 3:54:02 PM
re: 10 Reasons to Attend Supercomm

Desperation does not breed confidence.  With a curtailed travel budget, the last thing I want to do is fly into a ghost town filled with relics.  And that’s the impression they’re leaving.

The "style point" goofs are more than simply grammar and circular references here.  These are going-out-of-business errors in strategy and tactics.  Times are tough: adapt and overcome; or stick with the same model used three years ago and get steamrolled.

Like Comdex, Supercomm/NextCom/WhateverCom stuck with their “proven business model,” and won't be missed.

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