Ooredoo
It used to be called Qatar Telecom. Dull, but it made sense. And then someone must have watched an episode of Scooby Doo. If only someone in the marketing department had said: "Ooredon't!"

Assmanntelecom
It's French, but that's no excuse. One for the annals.

Arsys
We've found a furrow and we're gonna plow it. All right, it's not really a telecom company, it's a Web hosting firm, but for Arsys we're prepared to make an exception.

Ryan Pellet
In another life, he could have been a hard-boiled detective. In this one, he's senior vice president of Nexidia.

IPPBXWW
It looks like a challenging hand at Scrabble, but it's actually an outfit that sells VoIP services to enterprises. It's the one they ask for by name.

Ed Drilling
In another life, he could have been, er... something in the less wholesome reaches of the movie industry. In this one, he's president of AT&T Arkansas.

Splunk
This big-data analytics firm claims that its name is "derived from spelunking," spelunking being something to do with caves. It still doesn't work.

John Barnicle
By rights, he should be steering a trawler through the Northwest Passage with a pipe clenched between his teeth. Instead, he's wearing a suit and being CEO and president of Peerless Networks. Shame.

Powwownow
It's a conference-calling service that acquired Yuuguu in 2010. Not sure which is worse.

Genius Wong
Senior vice president of Global Network Services at Tata Communications. Who wouldn't want this on his business card? It's so right -- and yet...