Light Reading

Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam...

Column
Column
Column
6/30/2003
50%
50%

      Letters!
      We get letters!
      We get stacks and stacks of letters!
Bill Gates has declared war on Spam.

"Spam is worse than irritating," he grouses in a Wall Street Journal opinion piece. "As part of our drive to create a more trustworthy computing environment, this month, Microsoft filed 15 lawsuits in the U.S. and U.K. against companies and individuals alleged to have sent billions of spam messages in violation of state and federal laws." As it transpires, curiously enough, Microsoft and Hotmail, Outlook and Exchange are leading the forces for Good with their "advanced anti-spam features."

Well, thanks, Bill. But if it wasn't for Spam, I wouldn't have no mail at all.

Gates objects to the get-rich-quick schemes. Well, sure, he's already made his pile, but how'bout the rest of us? And, oddly enough, he shies away from the plethora of penis enlargement products.

      NO Agonizing Hanging Weights!
      NO Tough Exercises!
      NO Painful and Hard-to-Use Pumps!
      NO Dangerous Surgery Involved!
I mean, wow! At last, I can jettison those agonizing hanging weights! Enlarge your member 1-3 inches in 60 seconds! Double its length in a tenth the time it takes to engage in intercourse? C'mon, Bill, you may be rich, but we can all stand to look a little better in the locker room. Could you satisfy a porn star? Could you, Bill? "Harriet" wants to know.

And speaking of rich...

    I am Yinka Davies the accountant general of the contract payment department of the Niger Delta Development Comission. I do not know how conversant with the political and economic situation in Nigeria...

    I want to assure you that this is an accredited deal that will executed under legimate arrangement, Therefore , you are protected from any encumbrances or embarassment...
Yinka's got US$15.5 million for me. But that's peanuts: "The most popular farmer in Zimbabwe" is sitting on US$28 million. And, Hell, "Mr Jubril Martin, a 53 years old man and the Deputy Treasury Officer with the Central Bank of Congo" is willing – nay, eager – to unload $US36.8 million! So get in line, Yinka!

And back off, Billy. Can you say "dog in a manger"?

And can you say "cognitive dissonance"? How's this for Spam?

Help us put an end to SPAM!
Download Your Anti-Spam Software Here!
The Hands-Down
Most Powerful,
Effective & Intelligent
Anti-Spam Tool!


(Brought to you, no doubt, by Jews for Jesus.)

Whatever. Horny housewives aside, I most treasure those messages that tantalize me with their untranslated multiculturalism...

    台北市青少年育樂中心3樓演藝廳(北市仁愛路1段17號)
    如果您未來不想再收到類似郵件,請告訴我們!
...and with their sheer gnomic opacity...

Get rid of those unsightly stretchmarks:
calibrations kalibrierungenauslaufen pararse dubious zweifelhaft


Yes, I like Spam. I celebrate it in all it's glorious varieties... egg and spam; egg, bacon and spam; egg, bacon, sausage and spam; spam, bacon, sausage and spam; spam, egg, spam, spam, bacon and spam; spam, spam, spam, egg and spam; spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, baked beans, spam, spam, spam and spam; or Lobster thermidor aux crevettes with a mornay sauce garnished with truffle pâté, brandy and with a fried egg on top and spam.
[© Monty Python's Flying Circus]

Gotta run now. Hot teens are waiting for my call, and I've still gotta check out Britney's Infamous Interview...

Pararse Dubious Zweifelhaft!

— Larry, Monkey, Light Reading

(9)  | 
Comment  | 
Print  | 
Newest First  |  Oldest First  |  Threaded View        ADD A COMMENT
Larry, Monkey
50%
50%
Larry, Monkey,
User Rank: Light Beer
12/4/2012 | 11:49:21 PM
re: Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam...
Thanks so much for the kind words!
The passage you seek to translate, however, works out a bit better when treated as Chinese:
The Taipei young people happily support the central 3 buildings and performance hall (North Market Benevolence Road, 1 section of 17); if you do not want to receive similar mail in the future, please...
RJC
50%
50%
RJC,
User Rank: Light Beer
12/4/2012 | 11:49:21 PM
re: Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam...
And by "waste of bits" I mean this article, not Spam.

But for those who were curious, babelfish tells me that the Japanese spam reads:

The Taipei city young people growth 樂 central 3 樓 performing 藝 廳 (north city benevolence love road 1 step 17 號) 如 fruit? Not yet 來 non- thought re-收 arriving at similar mail case, receiving accusation our 們!

ThisBeingMilt
50%
50%
ThisBeingMilt,
User Rank: Light Beer
12/4/2012 | 11:49:02 PM
re: Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam...
If you could gain 1-3 inches from each product on the market, what would happen in you took ALL of the products on the market? Let's see....1-3 inches per product, 20 different pills (that's only about a week's worth of spam offers)....think of the possibilities! Gents, throw away those sledgehammers and wrecking balls! Get rid of the old chainsaw and jackhammer! You're now armed with THE MEAT CLUB! It'll take down trees, hit home runs (literally), knock down walls AND give zoo animals and Milton Berle (RIP) something to talk about! You'll need to wear a skirt (a LONG skirt) but who cares? You'll be packing THE MEAT CLUB!
firstmile
50%
50%
firstmile,
User Rank: Light Sabre
12/4/2012 | 11:48:51 PM
re: Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam...
This,
Could bring a whole new meaning to "last-mile solutions" ;-)
...first
alchemy
50%
50%
alchemy,
User Rank: Light Beer
12/4/2012 | 11:48:50 PM
re: Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam...
Bits are a terrible thing to waste

bloody Vikings

For what it's worth, I enjoyed it.
celyle
50%
50%
celyle,
User Rank: Light Beer
12/4/2012 | 11:48:22 PM
re: Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam...

Email was the "killer app," remember?
Spammers are discouraging people from using it.

We're afraid to expose our email addresses,
afraid to join mailing lists, can't let our
kids read their email independently.
That's discouraging people from using related services, and stunting the growth of the network. It's costing us coming and going.

Think it's the spammers' fault? Nope!
Spammers are a natural phenomenon, like cockroaches.
As long as there are dirty kitchens there will
be cockroaches, no matter how much poison we spray.

Cockroach infestations are the fault of sloppy housekeepers.
Spammers are the fault of spam-tolerant ISPs.

How long do you think those penis pill Web sites on Chinanet Shanghai would last if the backbones null-routed their AS, even for a few hours?
AT&T and C&W and MCI and Verio *have* AUPs, they just don't enforce them because they think nobody's looking.

How long do you think it would take Telefonica
and Comcast and SBC to close outbound port 25 from their vast clueless consumer Microsoft farms and stop all that zombie spam, if their peers decided not to accept their email until they fixed their zombie problem?

I think most of the spammers could be shut down in a few months, if the backbones decided they wanted to. They just don't bother because nobody knows they're the problem. Where is _60 Minutes_ when you need them?


mr zippy
50%
50%
mr zippy,
User Rank: Light Beer
12/4/2012 | 11:48:20 PM
re: Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam...
"AT&T and C&W and MCI and Verio *have* AUPs, they just don't enforce them because they think nobody's looking."

See my first post - spam contributes to increased bandwidth demand, Telcos are in the business bandwidth supply.
mr zippy
50%
50%
mr zippy,
User Rank: Light Beer
12/4/2012 | 11:48:20 PM
re: Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam...
More Spam = More bandwidth required.
More bandwidth required = Telco recovery.

farfields
50%
50%
farfields,
User Rank: Light Beer
12/4/2012 | 11:44:04 PM
re: Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam...
"...Telcos are in the business bandwidth supply"

That blinkered business model has been throroughly shown to be sham over the last 2 years. Telcos are in the business of making money, from people who can pay. Spammers aren't are revenue source - they are a disincentive to the type of customers who are wanted.
Educational Resources
sponsor supplied content
Educational Resources Archive
More Blogs from Column
Dan Pitt of the Open Networking Foundation (ONF) lays down a challenge to OpenFlow's naysayers.
Telecom carriers need to build, buy or partner for many of the technology enhancements they put into the networks or customer solutions each year.
The future of communications depends on technology licensing, according to Ericsson's Monica Magnusson.
Reflecting on the pivotal role this technology played in the history of computing on its 10th birthday.
This is what industry leadership looks like.
From The Founder
Against the odds, Huawei is growing its telecoms networking equipment business in the US -- that should be ringing some alarm bells for domestic vendors.
Flash Poll
Live Streaming Video
CLOUD / MANAGED SERVICES: Prepping Ethernet for the Cloud
Moderator: Ray LeMaistre Panelists: Jeremy Bye, Leonard Sheahan
Between the CEOs
CEO Chat With Jeff Miller, ActiveVideo

8|28|15   |   19:05   |   (0) comments


Jeff Miller, President and CEO of ActiveVideo, talks to Light Reading founder and CEO Steve Saunders about the impact of virtualization on the TV and video distribution market.
LRTV Huawei Video Resource Center
Vodafone: Mobile Money Is About Customer Trust

8|27|15   |   06.36   |   (0) comments


Light Reading spoke with Vodafone's Ian Ravenscroft about the unique responsibilities and opportunities facing operators handling customers' financial transactions over the network.
Telecom Innovators Video Showcase
Palo Alto Networks on Expanding in the Carrier/Service Provider Market

8|26|15   |   07:54   |   (0) comments


Alfred Lee from Palo Alto Networks tells Steve Saunders about their new chassis-based system, the PA-7080, and how it can benefit service providers compared to legacy firewalls.
LRTV Custom TV
Global Services Forum Preview

8|25|15   |   02:36   |   (0) comments


Light Reading's CEO and Founder Steve Saunders talks about Huawei's upcoming Global Services Forum with the help of Heavy Reading's Patrick Donegan and Teresa Mastrangelo.
Telecom Innovators Video Showcase
Infoblox on DNS Threat Index

8|19|15   |   04:39   |   (0) comments


Dilip Pillaipakam from Infoblox talks to Steve Saunders about his company's core network services.
Between the CEOs
CEO Chat With Ihab Tarazi, Equinix

8|14|15   |   20:18   |   (1) comment


Equinix CTO Ihab Tarazi talks to Light Reading founder and CEO Steve Saunders about the dramatic changes in the data center, cloud and interconnect markets and discusses the impact of SDN and NFV in the coming years.
Telecom Innovators Video Showcase
The Netformx Ecosystem

8|14|15   |   09:39   |   (1) comment


Ittai Bareket, CEO of Netformx, talks with Steve Saunders about the Netformx Ecosystem, which employs cutting-edge prescriptive analytics to help solution providers maximize profits.
Telecom Innovators Video Showcase
Versa Networks on Leveraging VNFs

8|12|15   |   07:37   |   (0) comments


Kumar Mehta, founder and CEO of stealth mode startup Versa Networks, talks with Steve Saunders about how providers can best leverage virtualized network functions (VNFs).
LRTV Custom TV
Transforming the Network Through OPNFV

8|5|15   |   7:09   |   (0) comments


Sandra Rivera, VP Data Center Group; GM Network Platforms Group, Intel Corporation, on OPNFV Arno and how the industry is coming together to accelerate the deployment of NFV and transform the network.
LRTV Huawei Video Resource Center
Huawei ONS Product Demo

8|3|15   |   6:01   |   (0) comments


Huawei shows at Open Networking Summit 2015 in Santa Clara how its SDN and NFV solutions embrace openness.
LRTV Custom TV
End-User or Enterprise Benefits to the New IP

7|30|15   |   04:27   |   (1) comment


Andrew Coward discusses what the New IP means to end users or enterprise customers. He explains compelling reasons, including how every customer can get their own network, from the transformation to the New IP.
LRTV Custom TV
Network Visibility & the New IP

7|30|15   |   02:23   |   (0) comments


Mukund Srigopal provides an explanation of what network visibility is and how it is essential as service providers transition to the New IP. In addition, the importance of the network packet broker is discussed.
Upcoming Live Events
September 16-17, 2015, The Westin Galleria Dallas, Dallas, TX
September 16, 2015, The Westin Galleria Dallas, Dallas, TX
September 16, 2015, The Westin Galleria Dallas, Dallas, TX
September 29-30, 2015, The Westin Grand Müchen, Munich, Germany
October 14-15, 2015, New Orleans Ernest N. Morial Convention Center, New Orleans, LA
November 5, 2015, Hilton Santa Clara, Santa Clara, CA
November 17, 2015, Santa Clara, California
December 1, 2015, The Westin Times Square, New York City
December 2, 2015, The Westin Times Square, New York City
All Upcoming Live Events
Infographics
Cisco's cloud and virtualization portfolio can increase business agility and innovation by building a more flexible network architecture.
Hot Topics
Verizon Hums a Driving Tune
Sarah Thomas, Editorial Operations Director, 8/26/2015
Gogo Approved to Speed Up In-Flight WiFi
Sarah Thomas, Editorial Operations Director, 8/24/2015
Could Market Volatility Hurt Tech IPOs?
Dan Jones, Mobile Editor, 8/24/2015
Sprint's Claure: '3 to 5 Years' to Turnaround
Dan Jones, Mobile Editor, 8/25/2015
Like Us on Facebook
Twitter Feed
September 22, 2015
Media Begins With “Me”
Webinar Archive
BETWEEN THE CEOs - Executive Interviews
Jeff Miller, President and CEO of ActiveVideo, talks to Light Reading founder and CEO Steve Saunders about the impact of virtualization on the TV and video distribution market.
Equinix CTO Ihab Tarazi talks to Light Reading founder and CEO Steve Saunders about data center, cloud and the impact of virtualization in the coming years.
Cats with Phones
Cats Are a Smartphone's Best Friend Click Here
Whoever said cats didn't live to please their humans?