Light Reading
Aims to spark revenues with a combination cellphone and high-voltage personal security device

Motorola to Shock With TAZR

Phil Harvey
News Analysis
Phil Harvey
4/1/2007
50%
50%

ORLANDO, Fla. -- Motorola Inc. (NYSE: MOT) is brewing up a top-secret plan to launch an ultra-thin cellphone and personal security device that can be used to zap people, Light Reading has learned.

The new phone, called the TAZR, is slated for U.S. release this fall, officials said.

Like the wildly popular RAZR, TAZR is thin. And like the lackluster ROKR phones, it does have an MP3 player built in. But, as its name suggests, the Moto TAZR has one feature that some will find shocking: When slipped into a special high-voltage clip-on attachment in the phone's carrying case, the TAZR can literally knock your socks off.

Government reviews of the legality of the product are expected.

"The TAZR's target markets are women, young people, and men who want a fully functional phone -- or generally anyone that might want to shock the cr*p out of somebody," says one source that's kind of close to the company (but not really that close).

Light Reading editors have been supplied top-secret photos of the device but have been unable to to publish them because of fears of reprisal from Apple Inc. (Nasdaq: AAPL) CEO Steve Jobs, who is said to have immediately launched his own program to develop the iShock, a similar product from Apple that would include an MP3 player, movie camera, personal security device, and electric massage toy. "We'll do them one better," said Jobs or someone who looks a lot like him.

Unconfirmed (and really dodgy) reports say the RAZR phone could possibly be resold by AT&T Inc. (NYSE: T) in late 2007, and it will have a one-inch clamshell design, titanium finish, and built-in handcuffs. The law-enforcement market will apparently be targeted in addition to paranoiac consumers.

Sources (in our local bar) say the price will be a whopping $1,500 with a two-year contract, which includes personal liability insurance.

Special promotions are said to be in the works. Moto, through its wireless partners, is considering issue credits and rebates when a valid police report is mailed in. Residents of Miami and Camden, N.J., will be offered a special "six-pack" deal in which the sixth TAZR is free.

Mario LaJolta, possibly a Motorola spokesman, says data gathered from Moto's home monitoring and home security lines of business kick-started the company's search for a way to offer a combination cellphone and self-defense device.

"Our research in Idaho, L.A., and the South Bronx indicated people thought they needed more ways to defend themselves," LaJolta says.

A few unlucky analysts have experienced hands-on demonstrations.

"It definitely works as advertised," says Heavy Reading analyst Patrick Donegan, who was floored by the device. Donegan says he was particularly impressed by the rubber mouthpiece that will be distributed with the product.

"If not for the mouthpiece, I would have bit my tongue off," said Donegan. "This shows real foresight and planning on the part of Motorola's engineers."

— Thomas Alva Battery, Personal Toy Editor, Light Reading

[Disclosure: Our lawyers advised us to tell you this story is really, extra, super fake.]

(12)  | 
Comment  | 
Print  | 
Newest First  |  Oldest First  |  Threaded View
Page 1 / 2   >   >>
tobeit
50%
50%
tobeit,
User Rank: Light Beer
12/5/2012 | 3:11:00 PM
re: Motorola to Shock With TAZR
...haha... Please, could you put your mouthpiece in so that I can FAZR, ah sorry, TAZR you? And, please, don't forget to lock the handcuffs, would you?
chophopper
50%
50%
chophopper,
User Rank: Light Beer
12/5/2012 | 3:11:00 PM
re: Motorola to Shock With TAZR
This is not a laughing matter. Frankly I'm appalled that any corporation would come up with this kind of product. What if somebody keeps this device in his pocket, accidently leaves it on vibrate/tazr mode, and receives an incoming call. This could seriously injure a man's crown jewels. Please do not buy this phone.
metroman
50%
50%
metroman,
User Rank: Light Beer
12/5/2012 | 3:11:00 PM
re: Motorola to Shock With TAZR
I also hear that they intend to release a product called FAZR which is a combined mobile phone and futuristic self defense weapon. J L Pickard of Motorola Enterprise Division states, "we are locked in and ready to engage on this project". One of the new profiles along with "Meeting" and "Silent" on the new model has the working name of "Stun". Pickard added that he hopes to see people setting their FAZRs to Stun in the near future.
He also admitted that due to adverse publicity, the planned "Doctor Crusher" has been cancelled. Much of the industry feedback has focussed on their being a lack of qualified physicians in the system and that destroying them in this way was inhumane.

Metroman


tobeit
50%
50%
tobeit,
User Rank: Light Beer
12/5/2012 | 3:10:59 PM
re: Motorola to Shock With TAZR
Ray, why did you blow it already? I could have had another laughter reading these responses to such great "art"icle.
tobeit
50%
50%
tobeit,
User Rank: Light Beer
12/5/2012 | 3:10:59 PM
re: Motorola to Shock With TAZR
... I am getting worry that you are serious DPD, are you?! If so, please, ... put this mouthpiece slowly between your teeth and hold still for a moment that I can attach that clip....
digits
50%
50%
digits,
User Rank: Light Beer
12/5/2012 | 3:10:59 PM
re: Motorola to Shock With TAZR
I think you are all missing the bigger picture. This is a potentially stunning addition to the Motorola range that could revive the flagging fortunes of its handset divi.... oh, hold on, it's April 2 now....
DPD
50%
50%
DPD,
User Rank: Light Beer
12/5/2012 | 3:10:59 PM
re: Motorola to Shock With TAZR
So, in addition to carrying a phone the user will also have to carry a mouthpiece and a special clip. I could see it now: "Mr. MuggerTurd, pay no attention while I put in this mouthpiece and attach this special clip to my phone"...

This is MOT's next Iridium.
ahwnn
50%
50%
ahwnn,
User Rank: Light Beer
12/5/2012 | 3:10:58 PM
re: Motorola to Shock With TAZR
A fun option to have on a cell phone would be the ability to disperse different aromatic scents. Instead of having distinct rings, you can have a distinct smell depending on who's calling. It should be automatically programmed to act as a whoppie cushion on April 1st.
dbostan
50%
50%
dbostan,
User Rank: Light Beer
12/5/2012 | 3:10:58 PM
re: Motorola to Shock With TAZR
C'mon guys!
DCITDave
50%
50%
DCITDave,
User Rank: Light Beer
12/5/2012 | 3:10:58 PM
re: Motorola to Shock With TAZR
re: "you can have a distinct smell depending on who's calling."

What a dreadful idea. Granny, is that you?
Page 1 / 2   >   >>
Flash Poll
From The Founder
It's clear to me that the communications industry is divided into two types of people, and only one is living in the real world.
LRTV Interviews
The New Wave of IP + Optical Integration

11|21|14   |   04:29   |   (7) comments


At the Alcatel-Lucent Technology Symposium, Heavy Reading senior analyst Sterling Perrin talks about how SDN has reshaped the discussion around packet and optical integration.
LRTV Huawei Video Resource Center
Huawei Highlights at BBWF 2014

11|20|14   |   3:40   |   (1) comment


Broadband World Forum is one of the world's largest telecoms, media and technology events with over 7,800 senior executives from across the globe converging on Amsterdam every year to identify the Next Big Thing. BBWF is an exciting place to meet the entire industry under one roof and identify the latest in network innovation, service optimization and customer ...
LRTV Huawei Video Resource Center
How Will BCMS Stimulate Margin for Broadband Operators?

11|19|14   |   6:52   |   (0) comments


In BBWF 2014, Liu Shuqing emphasizes the value of FMC 2.0 based full service experience by throwing light on the BCMS solution. The underlying principle of this innovative technique is to create network robustness and driving network from connection oriented to ACE – BAND oriented infrastructure, in which applications, cloud, and user experiences will be an asset ...
LRTV Huawei Video Resource Center
SingleFAN3.0: Better Connected Experience

11|19|14   |   3:06   |   (1) comment


At the BBWF 2014, David Hu, the VP of Huawei Access Network Product Line, talked about the future of access networks – SingleFAN3.0: faster broadband, wider coverage, and smarter connection.
LRTV Interviews
Basil Alwan Interview: The Road to Cloud

11|19|14   |   09:09   |   (0) comments


Alcatel-Lucent's head of IP and Transport talks about the migration towards a web-like networking environment, the impact of the cloud, SDN and NFV, and the yet-to-be-announced FP4 chip.
LRTV Documentaries
FairPoint Makes a Fair Point About Analytics

11|19|14   |   1:56   |   (1) comment


The US-based communication service provider gets to grips with advanced analytics, tackling data and breaking down the silos within its own business.
LRTV Documentaries
Analytics Lets C Spire Get to Know Subs

11|19|14   |   3:01   |   (2) comments


It's all about the data for US operator C Spire as it uses analytics to personalize its customer service down to individual subscribers.
LRTV Interviews
Nuage Branches Out With SDN: CEO Interview

11|17|14   |   9:32   |   (0) comments


Sunil Khandekar, CEO of Alcatel-Lucent's SDN-focused unit Nuage Networks, talks about the opportunities and challenges of breaking out of the data center into wide-area networks.
Light Reedy
Telecom Analytics Grows Up

11|14|14   |   1:15   |   (4) comments


The big data analytics debate has moved on from a year ago, with some experts suggesting it's no longer a technology challenge.
LRTV Huawei Video Resource Center
Huawei Compass

11|14|14   |   3:17   |   (1) comment


At OpenStack Summit 2014, Shuo Yang, Huawei Principal Cloud Infrastructure Architect introduced Huawei Compass, the software tool for solving customers' problems on the journey of OpenStack Cloud.
LRTV Huawei Video Resource Center
Huawei's Cloud Strategy in European Region

11|14|14   |   2:56   |   (1) comment


At OpenStack Summit 2014, Dr. Gotz, CTO of Huawei IT in European Region introduced Huawei's cloud strategy in European region.
LRTV Huawei Video Resource Center
Huawei's Contribution on OpenStack

11|14|14   |   5:58   |   (0) comments


At OpenStack Summit 2014, Dennis Gu, Huawei Chief Architect of Cloud Computing introduced the relationship between OpenStack and cloud computing, and Huawei's contribution on OpenStack.
Upcoming Live Events
December 2, 2014, New York City
December 3, 2014, New York City
December 8-10, 2014, Reykjavik, Iceland
February 12, 2015, Atlanta, GA
April 14, 2015, New York City, NY
May 6, 2015, McCormick Convention Center, Chicago, IL
May 13-14, 2015, The Westin Peachtree, Atlanta, GA
June 9-10, 2015, Chicago, IL
Infographics
Irish Telecom outlines the rise of VoIP technology, including its adoption within businesses and their perception of its quality.
Hot Topics
Bell Labs Chief Slams 'Toy' Networks
Robert Clark, 11/19/2014
$38.3M: Ain't That a Kik in the SMS
Sarah Reedy, Senior Editor, 11/20/2014
Do You Have a 2020 Vision?
Dennis Mendyk, Vice President of Research, Heavy Reading, 11/21/2014
The New Wave of IP + Optical Integration
Ray Le Maistre, Editor-in-chief, 11/21/2014
Google, AT&T, BT Unite on Network Data Models
Carol Wilson, Editor-at-large, 11/20/2014
Like Us on Facebook
Twitter Feed