Light Reading

Motorola to Shock With TAZR

Phil Harvey
News Analysis
Phil Harvey
4/1/2007
50%
50%
Repost This

ORLANDO, Fla. -- Motorola Inc. (NYSE: MOT) is brewing up a top-secret plan to launch an ultra-thin cellphone and personal security device that can be used to zap people, Light Reading has learned.

The new phone, called the TAZR, is slated for U.S. release this fall, officials said.

Like the wildly popular RAZR, TAZR is thin. And like the lackluster ROKR phones, it does have an MP3 player built in. But, as its name suggests, the Moto TAZR has one feature that some will find shocking: When slipped into a special high-voltage clip-on attachment in the phone's carrying case, the TAZR can literally knock your socks off.

Government reviews of the legality of the product are expected.

"The TAZR's target markets are women, young people, and men who want a fully functional phone -- or generally anyone that might want to shock the cr*p out of somebody," says one source that's kind of close to the company (but not really that close).

Light Reading editors have been supplied top-secret photos of the device but have been unable to to publish them because of fears of reprisal from Apple Inc. (Nasdaq: AAPL) CEO Steve Jobs, who is said to have immediately launched his own program to develop the iShock, a similar product from Apple that would include an MP3 player, movie camera, personal security device, and electric massage toy. "We'll do them one better," said Jobs or someone who looks a lot like him.

Unconfirmed (and really dodgy) reports say the RAZR phone could possibly be resold by AT&T Inc. (NYSE: T) in late 2007, and it will have a one-inch clamshell design, titanium finish, and built-in handcuffs. The law-enforcement market will apparently be targeted in addition to paranoiac consumers.

Sources (in our local bar) say the price will be a whopping $1,500 with a two-year contract, which includes personal liability insurance.

Special promotions are said to be in the works. Moto, through its wireless partners, is considering issue credits and rebates when a valid police report is mailed in. Residents of Miami and Camden, N.J., will be offered a special "six-pack" deal in which the sixth TAZR is free.

Mario LaJolta, possibly a Motorola spokesman, says data gathered from Moto's home monitoring and home security lines of business kick-started the company's search for a way to offer a combination cellphone and self-defense device.

"Our research in Idaho, L.A., and the South Bronx indicated people thought they needed more ways to defend themselves," LaJolta says.

A few unlucky analysts have experienced hands-on demonstrations.

"It definitely works as advertised," says Heavy Reading analyst Patrick Donegan, who was floored by the device. Donegan says he was particularly impressed by the rubber mouthpiece that will be distributed with the product.

"If not for the mouthpiece, I would have bit my tongue off," said Donegan. "This shows real foresight and planning on the part of Motorola's engineers."

— Thomas Alva Battery, Personal Toy Editor, Light Reading

[Disclosure: Our lawyers advised us to tell you this story is really, extra, super fake.]

(12)  | 
Comment  | 
Print  | 
Newest First  |  Oldest First  |  Threaded View
Page 1 / 2   >   >>
tobeit
50%
50%
tobeit,
User Rank: Light Beer
12/5/2012 | 3:11:00 PM
re: Motorola to Shock With TAZR
...haha... Please, could you put your mouthpiece in so that I can FAZR, ah sorry, TAZR you? And, please, don't forget to lock the handcuffs, would you?
chophopper
50%
50%
chophopper,
User Rank: Light Beer
12/5/2012 | 3:11:00 PM
re: Motorola to Shock With TAZR
This is not a laughing matter. Frankly I'm appalled that any corporation would come up with this kind of product. What if somebody keeps this device in his pocket, accidently leaves it on vibrate/tazr mode, and receives an incoming call. This could seriously injure a man's crown jewels. Please do not buy this phone.
metroman
50%
50%
metroman,
User Rank: Light Beer
12/5/2012 | 3:11:00 PM
re: Motorola to Shock With TAZR
I also hear that they intend to release a product called FAZR which is a combined mobile phone and futuristic self defense weapon. J L Pickard of Motorola Enterprise Division states, "we are locked in and ready to engage on this project". One of the new profiles along with "Meeting" and "Silent" on the new model has the working name of "Stun". Pickard added that he hopes to see people setting their FAZRs to Stun in the near future.
He also admitted that due to adverse publicity, the planned "Doctor Crusher" has been cancelled. Much of the industry feedback has focussed on their being a lack of qualified physicians in the system and that destroying them in this way was inhumane.

Metroman


tobeit
50%
50%
tobeit,
User Rank: Light Beer
12/5/2012 | 3:10:59 PM
re: Motorola to Shock With TAZR
Ray, why did you blow it already? I could have had another laughter reading these responses to such great "art"icle.
tobeit
50%
50%
tobeit,
User Rank: Light Beer
12/5/2012 | 3:10:59 PM
re: Motorola to Shock With TAZR
... I am getting worry that you are serious DPD, are you?! If so, please, ... put this mouthpiece slowly between your teeth and hold still for a moment that I can attach that clip....
digits
50%
50%
digits,
User Rank: Light Beer
12/5/2012 | 3:10:59 PM
re: Motorola to Shock With TAZR
I think you are all missing the bigger picture. This is a potentially stunning addition to the Motorola range that could revive the flagging fortunes of its handset divi.... oh, hold on, it's April 2 now....
DPD
50%
50%
DPD,
User Rank: Light Beer
12/5/2012 | 3:10:59 PM
re: Motorola to Shock With TAZR
So, in addition to carrying a phone the user will also have to carry a mouthpiece and a special clip. I could see it now: "Mr. MuggerTurd, pay no attention while I put in this mouthpiece and attach this special clip to my phone"...

This is MOT's next Iridium.
ahwnn
50%
50%
ahwnn,
User Rank: Light Beer
12/5/2012 | 3:10:58 PM
re: Motorola to Shock With TAZR
A fun option to have on a cell phone would be the ability to disperse different aromatic scents. Instead of having distinct rings, you can have a distinct smell depending on who's calling. It should be automatically programmed to act as a whoppie cushion on April 1st.
dbostan
50%
50%
dbostan,
User Rank: Light Beer
12/5/2012 | 3:10:58 PM
re: Motorola to Shock With TAZR
C'mon guys!
DCITDave
50%
50%
DCITDave,
User Rank: Light Beer
12/5/2012 | 3:10:58 PM
re: Motorola to Shock With TAZR
re: "you can have a distinct smell depending on who's calling."

What a dreadful idea. Granny, is that you?
Page 1 / 2   >   >>
Flash Poll
LRTV Documentaries
Cable Eyes Big Technology Shifts

4|16|14   |   03:02   |   (3) comments


US cable engineers are facing a lot of heavy lifting in the coming years, notes Light Reading Cable/Video Practice Leader Alan Breznick.
LRTV Custom TV
Maximizing Customer Experience & Assuring Service Delivery in an IP World

4|15|14   |   4:57   |   (0) comments


Steven Shalita, VP of Marketing, NetScout Systems, Inc., discusses the challenges cable/MSO operators face in assuring the delivery of new IP-based services. Key points include the value of proactively managing performance, and using rich analytics and operational intelligence to better understand service and usage trends, make smarter business decisions and ...
LRTV Documentaries
Bye-Bye DVD: Consumers Embrace Digital Video

4|10|14   |   04:17   |   (6) comments


Veteran video analyst Colin Dixon, founder and principal analyst of nScreenMedia, says research shows 56% are using digital video already.
LRTV Documentaries
Video: TW Cable Puts Multicast Gateways to the Test

4|8|14   |   04:13   |   (1) comment


Tom Gonder, a chief architect at Time Warner Cable, explains how its trial of multicast gateways is impacting IP-based video plans.
LRTV Custom TV
Managing & Monetizing Big Data in Operator Environments

4|7|14   |     |   (1) comment


At Mobile World Congress, Gigamon's Director of Service Provider Solutions, Andy Huckridge, and Heavy Reading Analyst Sarah Wallace discuss the 'big data' issues facing carriers and operators today.
LRTV Huawei Video Resource Center
Data Center Energy – Build Your Data Center in a Modular Way

4|7|14   |   2:13   |   (0) comments


Dr. Fang Liangzhou, VP Network Energy Product Line, shared his thoughts about the challenges for data centers during CeBIT 2014.
LRTV Huawei Video Resource Center
Agile Network Solution – An Overview of Huawei's Agile Network Solution

4|7|14   |   2:31   |   (0) comments


Ajay Gupta, Director of Product Marketing, Networking Product Line, gives an overview of the Agile Network Solutions during CeBIT 2014.
LRTV Huawei Video Resource Center
Huawei’s eLTE Voice Trunking, Video and Data Applied for Railways

4|7|14   |   1:38   |   (0) comments


Gottfried Winter is the Sales Director at Funkwerk, a German specialist in GSM-r terminals and a long-time partner of Huawei. At CeBIT 2014, Winter talks to Light Reading about this partnership and the integration of enhanced voice trunking, video and data functions.
LRTV Huawei Video Resource Center
LeaseWeb Speaks Highly of Huawei's Datacenter Products

4|7|14   |   1:37   |   (0) comments


Rene Olde Olthof, Operations Director LeaseWeb, talks about the next data center transformation during CeBIT 2014.
LRTV Documentaries
Comcast: Reshaping the Cable Network Architecture

4|3|14   |   07:11   |   (8) comments


Shamim Akhtar, Comcast's architect and senior director of network strategy, explains why the cable company is moving to a more distributed network architecture.
LRTV Custom TV
VMware CEO Pat Gelsinger at Mobile World Congress

4|1|14   |   3:41   |   (0) comments


VMware CEO Pat Gelsinger speaks to Heavy Reading about the value of virtualization spanning from the data center to service provider networks to mobile devices.
LRTV Huawei Video Resource Center
Analysts' Impressions of Huawei SoftCOM at ONS 2014

4|1|14   |   1:11   |   (0) comments


After visiting the Huawei booth at ONS, Lee Doyle of Doyle Research gives his appraisal of Huawei's SoftCOM solution.
Hot Topics
BlackBerry's Chen: We're Not Dumping Devices
Dan Jones, Mobile Editor, 4/10/2014
AT&T's Going to Carolina With 1 Gig
Sarah Reedy, Senior Editor, 4/10/2014
Cisco, Juniper Treating Gear Against Potential Heartbleed
Dan O'Shea, Managing Editor, 4/11/2014
Cisco & VMware Are Apple & Google of SDN
Mitch Wagner, West Coast Bureau Chief, Light Reading, 4/14/2014
T-Mobile Petitions Operators to Kill Overages
Sarah Reedy, Senior Editor, 4/14/2014
Like Us on Facebook
Twitter Feed