Light Reading

Cheap Laughs With Larry


A name can be a funny thing.

Especially if it's Gopi Gopinath.

The funny name is a hallowed American tradition. From Goody Garlick, the Wicked Witch of East Hampton, to Armand Hammer, the People's Plutocrat – a good laugh at a truly silly name has provided solace for many a citizen in troubled times. Heck, we even elected a President named Dick Nixon, of all things – and not once, mind you, but twice! (Talk about troubled times...)

So, as telecom descends further into its long, dark night of the soul, what better way to leaven the mood than to have some lighthearted fun with a few really unfortunate monikers? Where have you gone, Jag Bolaria? A nation turns its lonely eyes to you. Woo ooh ooh!

Now, we know what you're thinking: It's cruel – not to say, infantile, puerile, and oafish – to pick on people just because of their names. Didn't they suffer enough abuse in the schoolyard? We shouldn't kick these poor unfortunates while they're down, right?

Wrong! That's why they hired me.

Some of the names that are flung through my cage each day are simply so mind-boggling, so rib-tickling, so, indeed, toe-tapping, that I feel obliged to share them with you, Oh Best Belovèd. Some, it's true, simply suffer from their miserable, benighted foreign roots: No doubt, Pekka Kykkänen (of Liekki Oy!) barely raises an eyebrow in Helsinki, the Buenos Aires of the Subarctic. And Anil Gupta surely does not, on the Subcontinent, call to mind a hemorrhoid ointment.

But what, as they say, the heck? We're laughing at these people. Not with them.

So it is that Light Reading presents, for your mean-spirited amusement, Larry's Top 25 Funniest Names in Telecom. We urge you to enjoy them responsibly.

[Any resemblance between these names and those of actual telecommers, living or dead, is purely noncoincidental. The names have not been changed to protect the innocent. Nobody is innocent!]

  • 25: Matt Massengill, Western Digital
    Feels springtime fresh all day!

  • 24: Phil Turtle, Turtle Consulting
    Ably assisted by Benjy Bunny and Danny Duck.

  • 23: Alistair Impey, Telstra Research
  • 22: Ransom Love, Caldera
    All models are 18 or older.

  • 21: Hava Volterra, CyOptics better than none!

  • 20: Nir Zuk, OneSecure
    Merciless Overlord of the Planet Mung.

  • 19: Matt McCool, NorthStar Communications
    And the Uptown Hep-Cats.

  • 18: Yannick Teriierooiterai, Tikiphone
    Does that come with fresh pineapple?

  • 17: Riikamaria Paakkunainen, Wireless Entertainment Services Finland
    I'd like to buy seventeen vowels, please, Vanna!

  • 16: Detlef Spang, Equant

  • 15: Gorka Uranga, EF International
    Step right up! See him eat glass! Watch as he drives nails with his head!

  • 14: Ultan O'Raghallaigh, Tsunami Photonics
    The dance craze that's sweeping the Emerald Isle!

  • 13: Canning Fok, Hutchison Whampoa
    And yo momma, too!

  • 12: Rusty Cumpston, Ciena
  • 11: Harry Hamster, Xanoptics
    Not to be confused with the popular rodent food.

  • 10: Sabine Schmuck, ControlWare
    So... you're related to the Schmucks of New Jersey?

  • 9: Boonchai Bencharongkul, DTAC
    Symptoms may include rash, palpitations, and explosive diarrhea.

  • 8: Ferit Yegenoglu, Isocore
    First, we skin and clean one medium-sized weasel...

  • 7: Dick Sweatt, CloudShield
    And who hasn't had that problem?

  • 6: Johnson Agogbua, BroadBand Office
    Anyone called "Johnson" is automatically funny. Anything else is a bonus.

  • 5: Harry Quackenboss, BrightLink Networks
    If it waddles like a boss and swims like a boss...

  • 4: Nicholas de Quetville Le Querot Crapp, Goldman Sachs
    Aw... the Hell with it...

  • 3: Honest Hwang, 3C Tae Yang
    Just what this country needs: a good, honest hwang!

  • 2: Ofer Gneezy, iBasis
    The mysterious eighth dwarf.

  • 1: Dr. Lampros Kalampoukas, Xebeo Communications
Happy Halloween, Boys and Girls!

Larry Larry bo Barry
Banana bana fo Farry
Me my mo Marry...

— Larry, Monkey, Light Reading

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User Rank: Light Beer
12/4/2012 | 9:26:14 PM
re: Cheap Laughs With Larry
Kirby "Buddy" Pickle, former CEO of Velocita.

Am I the only one who hears 70's porn music when saying this out loud?
User Rank: Light Beer
12/4/2012 | 9:26:09 PM
re: Cheap Laughs With Larry
Antti Kokkinen from Nokia Ventures - say no more!
User Rank: Light Beer
12/4/2012 | 9:25:43 PM
re: Cheap Laughs With Larry

LR is back in its purest form. Cheap laughs are the best there are, especially in these troubled times...

That said, we get our daily dose by watching the Corvis boards and the Reindeer/Dave77777 wars...

Keep up the good work. No serious stuff please.

User Rank: Light Beer
12/4/2012 | 9:25:40 PM
re: Cheap Laughs With Larry
Didn't he battle the Fantastic Four in Issue 214?
User Rank: Light Beer
12/4/2012 | 9:25:24 PM
re: Cheap Laughs With Larry

You guys forgot Woody Cannon, from Kestrel
User Rank: Light Beer
12/4/2012 | 9:25:18 PM
re: Cheap Laughs With Larry
>Keep up the good work. No serious stuff please.
Do you really believe no news is good news?
User Rank: Light Beer
12/4/2012 | 9:24:55 PM
re: Cheap Laughs With Larry
No, good news are good news.

But in the event of no news, I'd like stupid news.

Larry, Monkey
Larry, Monkey,
User Rank: Light Beer
12/4/2012 | 9:24:48 PM
re: Cheap Laughs With Larry
Bob Noseworthy, 10 Gigabit Ethernet consortium manager at the University of New Hampshire
User Rank: Light Beer
12/4/2012 | 9:22:11 PM
re: Cheap Laughs With Larry
Don't miss out on VPIPhotonics' marketing guru Corrie Dangler, either.
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